Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Rubbish and the Elimination Thereof

My Mom and I had an interesting conversation recently. She was recanting different landmarks in her life as a married woman. She made a very interesting comment which stuck with me. She said your Father and I have had the sweetest life together but this getting old business sucks donkey balls. (She used her mother tongue to describe the amount of suckage so I thought it best to translate)

Right after I returned downstairs to continue the conversation with my Mom, I had to change my shirt due to the snorting of coffee through my nose, I asked her to expound. She waived her hand at me and simply said ask your Father about the trash situation. Intrigued, I found my Dad and we had the following discussion:

Wicked H: Dad, I’ve got the trash from the kitchen, which trash can do you want me to put it in ( our conversation was taking place in the garage where he has 2 strategically placed garbage cans and one recycling container none of which are being used for their normal purpose)?

Dad: Just drop the bag right there and I’ll take care of it.

Wicked: Dad, why can’t I just put it into the trash can right here?

Dad: I will take care of it, just drop the bag.

Wicked: No really, I am not trying to cause trouble, I am just curious as to what you will do with the trash once I drop it?

Dad: I triple bag it and take it to the dumpster at work.

Wicked: Don’t we have neighborhood trash removal services?

Dad: Yes.

Wicked: Are you still paying for those services?

Dad: Yes.

Wicked: Then why would you transport the trash in your car to the dumpster at work?

Dad: I don’t like the odor of rotting trash in the garage.

Wicked: Wouldn’t you get the same odor in your car while hauling the trash in your vehicle.

Dad: No! I triple bag it.

Wicked: Ok Dad, I still don’t get why you won’t let the garbage service remove the trash but you do what makes you happy.

Dad: That’s what I do.

I am still trying to wrap my head around the whole idea of my 81 year old Dad playing part time sanitation engineer while performing the duties of a psychiatrist. If he didn’t get so agitated during our little discussion, I was going to remind him that most work place dumpster owners frown upon having non-work related trash deposited in them but I decided to pick my battles.

I am pretty sure senility is rearing it’s ugly head but if it makes him happy and he doesn’t get arrested for depositing trash at the workplace dumpster, go for it Dad. I sure hope his patient’s don’t witness him doing this or I’d like to be a fly on the wall when they ask him what the heck he is doing.

If anyone out there has any ideas or can enlighten me, I would be most appreciative.


HotForSimon said...

I want to hear mom say donkey balls....LOL...native tongue or not, I would have been expelling coffee through my nose too.

As for dad, I think I'll go buy some stock in the HEFTY company!!!

t2ed said...

I don't think trash management is that crazy.

Of course there is a magic new technology called "air freshner" that I've heard the kids talk about.

wallofdenial said...

with mt Dad getting "up there" as well. It is my opinion; If he is happy then leave him the hell alone!

Wicked H said...

HFS: My Mom is a trip without luggage, so glad I have inherited her humor.

t2ed: I tried the air freshener remark, it did not go ver well.

Dave: I agree, if it makes him happy, leave it be. However, it aggitates/embarrasses my Mom to no end.