Monday, June 30, 2008

Still Chewing on this One

Not sure the outcome will become clear to me any time in the near future. I can predict, in my mind, the one event that would make it like Waterford; although that time is in an infinite distance.

Let me know what you think:

"One person’s ingenuity is another’s theft."


Sunday, June 29, 2008

Hon Fest Gallery 2008

As I mentioned previously, this was our first foray into the land of Hons during their festival. All three of us had more fun that we thought possible even though it was the hottest day of the year; sweltering would not begin to describe the temperature.

We made our way in to Charm City by way of BS’s new toy; her brand new red convertible VW Bug. Traveling topless gave me ample opportunity to embarrass Lil Wicked by doing the cabbage patch while jamming the satellite radio tunes. The Bug is cute and all but not much room in the back seat. It did not prevent Lil Wicked from diving to the floor boards during my dance off. Embarrassment mission accomplished onto the Hon Fest.

I will let the photos speak for themselves. It was just as advertised - Hons O Plenty.

You know it is a serious event when even the buildings are adorned!

Hottie Hon!

Bee-you-ti-fool Hon!

Bout them O’s, Hon?

When in Honville, do like the Hons!

We have all kinds of ideas for the proper attire for next year. Hope to see you there - Hon!!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Getting Even....

....because getting mad is such a colossal waste of time.

I am a relatively tolerant person. That is until you have passed my point of no return. Then it gets rather ugly. Stealthy ugly. I am never outwardly devious for that is absolutely no fun.


Creature, you are going down. If it the last thing I do, I will arrange it so that Karma turns it's confused self around and watch it bite you in your sorry ass.

This is personal now. The gloves are off and trust me when I tell you that you don't want the actual wicked side of me to engage. I forgot who I was dealing with, I don't need wickedness at all. I have intelligence on my side.

Enjoy the ride sweetheart, it will not last. Nor will you.

No warning, this is my promise.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

LoJack for the Parental Units

Friday night I was just about to settle down with my pomegranate martini when Brain Surgeon called. I answered the phone with our normal salutation "Hi Hon!" What I usually get back is "Hello Hon, What are you doing?" Instead, in a slightly irritated/minimally panicked tone, she asked if I knew where our parents were?

Our parents are not typically out roaming the streets at 6:00 p.m. on a Friday night. They are in their early 80s. I found her question odd for a couple of reasons, the main one being her tone and the fact that both my sisters live within minutes of our parents. My first instinct was that perhaps they went to visit Smelly as she and her parents were away for a week and both Grandparents were having Smelly withdrawal. So I asked BS if she asked Professor Countessa (Smelly’s Mom) the same question. To which I received an audible sigh.

It’s a long story. The Reader’s Digest version is that Professor Countessa was asked to go over to the house to see if anything looked unusual. She did in fact go over and check things out. Her flaw was that she returned to her own home for a nap without reporting back to a worried BS. That is when the call was placed to me. I came up with the same round of suggestions: they are out shopping and splurged and also grabbed dinner (a rarity for them), did we call their cell phones ( we had, neither answered nor do they really know how to use them) and when was the last time anyone of us had spoken to them?

By this time, BS was clearly at a DEFCON 4 level of worrying. Her major premise for the alarm was that a) she is the eldest and b) she was getting ready to leave for vacation and wanted to make sure all was okay before leaving. I tried to reassure her that it was probably something silly like they lost track of time and that we’d hear from them any moment. I told her I would try calling all numbers again and try to get a SITREP from Professor Countessa.

Another ninety minutes ticks past and we still have not heard from our parents. I call and speak with BIL1 and ask him for the names of the local hospitals. I decided I would eliminate the anxiety of wondering if they were in an emergency room. He kindly volunteered to make those calls; thankfully they were not in a hospital. After more brainstorming, we decided to call a couple of their friends to see if any of them had any news.

By the second call, we found them. Who knew that the homeland team had made it into round two of the World Cup Soccer championships? They were with their buds enjoying the double O.T. win. Viva la Homeland team!!!

The next game is on the 25th, we have grounded our parents until then.......

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

And, I Get Paid!!

Our office has been invaded by ants. I don’t think this is a revelation for anyone in this area. I am not an expert on ants or how to eliminate them; however I am certain that the following scenario was not going to help.

Behold an interesting exchange between my office mate and I:

Office Mate (OM): Well just so everyone knows, I just used one of the anti-AIDS virus wipes and got rid of the ants in the kitchen.

Wicked: Mmmm hmmm. Good for you.

After a few minutes, OM visits the kitchen to survey her accomplishment.

OM: I don’t understand.

Wicked: What don’t you understand?

OM: The ants, they’re back!

Wicked: What made you think they were gone?

OM: Well the anti-AIDS virus wipes, of course!!

Wicked: Seriously, all you accomplished was to eliminate the ants from contracting and spreading the virus, possibly Hepatitis and lets throw in any other STD for good measure. As for obliterating the colony, the wipe can’t do that.

OM: Darn!

Can you believe I get paid for this kind of entertainment??

I know!!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Bawlmer Bucket List Item

That’s right! Can you guess where Brain Surgeon, Lil Wicked and I will be this weekend?

C’mon, one guess.

Wrong! We will be over here Hon!

You know you’re jealous!

I hope my beehive holds up. If not, that would be tragic, Hon!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Enough Already!


Too damn hot!

No motivation.

Hope all is well in your corner of the blogosphere/world.

Send dry ice!!


Monday, June 02, 2008

Well-Mannered Dirty Martini

First, if you have not yet tried one, get thee to your local watering hole and report back. Touts suite!

Second, if your Maternal Unit tore you a new one for issues that are not even within your comprehension, let alone your control, have at least two.

Friends, let us all agree that family ties are a slippery slope. It is no secret that my Father went through a major ordeal recently. He sailed through; easy breezy. My Mother, the Drama Queen, is still internalizing all her pent up frustrations from that recent period. Correction, she unleashed her frustrations onto Brain Surgeon while being transported to a shopping excursion. I will not go into the gory details.

What I will share is that I picked up my sisters, Brain Surgeon and Maternal Countessa, for an evening of harbor breezes and the dulcet tunes of our Sweet Baby James. The Sisters Wicked attended the James Taylor concert at the Pier Six Pavilion located in the heart of the Inner Harbor of Baltimore. Or for the natives, “bout them O’s...Hon?”

We began our late afternoon with a yummy platter of apps consumed on the patio of the Cheesecake Factory. We washed down our apps with a couple or three “well-mannered” dirty martinis. I was told that I needed to step up and make the hour and a half trek to Maryland when our Mother wanted to be dropped off for one of her therapeutic shopping trips. Keep in mind, won’t you, that two of the Sisters live within 5 minutes of the Parental Units. But Professor Countessa thought I should make the trip because I wasn’t helping out enough. Sisters, can’t live with them and can’t knock them into the Harbor without getting arrested.

Anyway, I had a bit of solace when Professor Countessa was unable to operate the new Dyson hand dryer:
I watched BS use it first, made a joke about how I obviously had to get out more and was successful in drying my hands. Professor Countessa just stared at it and then wiped her hands on her jeans. I quietly said a quick prayer for all of the Professor's students and hoped that none would ask for a refund. Seriously, if you can teach biology, one would imagine that you could figure out the hand dryer after first watching both of your siblings utilize the contraption.

I digress. The weather was perfect. James was a bit shy while conversing with the audience. The young physician behind us was having issues with her answering service. The Baby Boomers can throw back dozens of cocktails during a show as well as empty their bladders just as often. Pier Six is a fantastic venue, if you’ve never been, try it at least once.

I do not recommend discussing the length of time a PAP smear should take while trapped in your vehicle with both your sisters, in a parking garage with no visible means of escape. Should you find yourself in this situation, just keep quiet. Trust me , you’ll thank me later.

How sweet it was to be out with James........