Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year


I've never been one for resolutions. In 2009 my resolution will be to make none; less pressure. I will do my best to let the small stuff slide and enjoy each day to it's fullest.

That is why Martinis were invented my friends.

I toast you Internet:

Here's wishing you more happiness
Than all my words can tell,
Not just alone for New Years Eve
But for all the year as well.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

This Greeting has Been Cleared by My Attorney

(This has been posted by me before, we are in a recession!)


From me ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee") please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:-

This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.

This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.

This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.

This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.

This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. Any references in this greeting to "The Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Savior", "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer" or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

This greeting is made under United States Law.

Dated this 24th day of December two thousand and eight.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Fa La La La La La La La Laaaaaaaaa

This evenings conversation between my good friend, the Pet Whisperer and I:

Pet Whisperer: (who routinely calls me while commuting back from work) As soon as I get home, I need to make the DAMN cookies.

Wicked: Geez, what kind of cookies are you going to make?

Pet Whisperer: Pinwheels!!!!

Wicked: Can’t you just make drop cookies like the rest of us?

Pet Whisperer: They are my husband and son’s favorites!

Wicked: Surely there is a bakery that we can buy them from. I will do the leg work, seriously.

Pet Whisperer: It won’t be the same.

Wicked: Oh my God. Who told you to make it a Martha Stewart Christmas?

I am still hoping that perhaps her cell phone simply dropped the call. I really think she hung up on me.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Shoe Pocalypse


Tis the season for hilarity.

If nothing else, the ole boy can dodge a pair of shoes.

His legacy has been formed.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

The Real Story Behind Why Angels Top the Tree

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Let the Reindeer Games Begin

May also be known as winter snorkeling......


Alcohol may have been involved.

(Crazy times at work kids, doing my best to keep my head above water. May try the snorkeling trick soon)