Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Back to Reality

Vacation time is over and I am back. My first priority was to calculate the number of days until my next vacation; 45. I can do it, yes I can! If I forget that fact, you all need to remind me.

I am counting on all of you, no pressure!

Living like the McMansioned was quite fun but I am more than content to be in my own abode. I am busy trying to find the top of my desk at work; it keeps me out of trouble. Not really but it sounded good, right? I am not sure how life would be if I was not in some sort of trouble while on someone else’s time. I find it invigorating. Part of my charm, take it or leave it.

I am going through hot tub withdrawal so I am off to mix another martini and chill on the deck. Cheers, kids.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

What Happens at the McMansion Stays at the McMansion

I am happy to report that my vacation is going exactly the way it was planned; no itineraries go with the flow. Most excellent, you all should try this at least once.

I am just returning from cocktails and dinner with a couple of the Bunco Babes. You just cannot go wrong with martinis and seafood. Besides the waiter accidentally dumping coffee cream into one of our purses, the night was perfect.

As my title suggests, there are events transpiring that I cannot speak of; certain things are simply taboo. If you know me at all, I will spill the beans at some point. No worries.

Okay kids, the hot tub is all filled and waiting for me. Behave yourselves or at least give it the ole college try…

Friday, July 20, 2007

How Can You Miss Me If I Won't Go Away?

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V is for vanishing act.
A is for abandoning the daily grind.
C is for cancelling all calls, e-mails, reports and faxes.
A is for absent, with leave.
T is for traipsing and lots of it.
I is for intermission, will a week suffice?
O is for Orange Oasis, Orangico Royal, Old Etonian you understand?
N is for navigation, the leisurely kind.

That is right kids, it’s time for me to get out of dodge. Long overdue if I must say. I have no concrete plans which is my best kind of Holiday.

I am entrusting the Interwebs to all of you. Don’t be surprised if you hear from me here and there. Don’t count on it; it’s not a vacation if I have to meet any type of schedule.

See you soon.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Curb the Damn Enthusiasm

I am trying to like the new show "The Singing Bee." However I have a few bones to pick with the concept.

The first of which being the amount of jubilation exhibited by the contestants; my suggestion would be for all of them to be dosed with ADD meds before the cameras start rolling. Seriously, you've made it on the show, concentrate and get the songs right. We honestly don't need that much exaltation. Have some dignity.

While we are speaking of dignity, why do we need the "fly girls" gyrating in the back ground and on the way to each commercial break? Their actual title is the honey bees or some such nonsense. This goes back to my not liking errant dancing while anyone is on stage. We have plenty to focus on with this show, enough with the dancing.

It is a good show if you can get past the aforementioned distractions. If you've seen it, let me know what you think? If you haven't yet and you are up on most song lyrics, you'll enjoy this show.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Mimosas for Everyone!

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Many of you were quite concerned with my parental units' recent escapade.

I am so very happy to report that the crisis has been averted and that they are now back in possession of both passports and tickets. Trying to explain to them that the receipt for the ticket is the actual ticket and that once they make it to the airport, a piece of paper resembling a ticket will be produced took more than 20 minutes.

And you all wonder why I drink so much; now you know.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Summer Time and Blogging is Not So Easy

Between the crazy pace at work and the oppressive heat, I’ve got nothing.

Blogstipation, if you will. I will work on finding some bloggish fiber and get back with the program.

Until then, let me know what’s happening with all of you

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Like Sands Through the Hour Glass

It seems like only yesterday that I was driving up north from NC to Metro DC through the worst thunder storm trying to get to the hospital in time to meet my niece and make sure that my sister was going to be alright. Brain Surgeon was having a difficult birth and even though she was throwing her BS weight around in the hospital she worked in, she lost the fight and they wheeled her in for a cesarian section. She wanted a normal delivery. Sous Chef Mermaid was born on this day twelve years ago.

What happened to the days where making goofy faces would elicit a toothless grin? Where is the little girl who on her first birthday refused to touch the cake because both her parents were anal about messes? Grand Ma just took the little one’s hand and plunged it into the cake. I had never seen a panicked look on a one year old’s face before that moment. Where is the little one who would crunch through the leaves with her Aunt Wicked stopping every 10 steps to observe one thing or another? I can’t tell you how many times I would watch the VHS video of her running back and forth in their first house babbling something incoherent over and over into the camera. The best video was the one they sent me while she was opening up the mammoth Elmo blanket a gift from me; the look on her face was unforgettable.

Sous Chef Mermaid has blossomed into quite a dazzling young lady. I am so impressed with her and proud of the person she has become. The kid has more stamps on her passport than most adults. She and I spend quality time by watching the Project Runway Marathon on New Year’s Eve. She recently tried to teach me to catch up with the technological scene and introduced me to Wii. Of course I failed miserably but we had the best time. It’s cool to see how she has grabbed certain traits from each of us. She has a good mix from all the genes available in her pool.

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The best complement to me was that she recently started blogging and she chose Lil Wicked as her moniker. Now if that doesn’t tug at your heart strings, then you are dead inside.

Happy Birthday Lil Wicked!! I didn’t know that my love for you could get any stronger but is does with each passing day.

Now you all go and wish her a Happy Birthday while I go and compose myself. I have a party to get to and I am all verklempt!!!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Octogeneric Long Distance Comedy

My Parents remain in the homeland. They are having a good time. Although I have noticed that they are more homesick this time than usual. It very well may have to do with them missing Sous Chef Mermaid and Smelly, their newest Grand daughter. The last two phone calls involved many mentions of how much they miss all of us. On previous jaunts, they never really vocalized that fact as much.

On the 4th of July I phoned my Parents to see how they were doing. They have been together for more than 50 years and I honestly believe it is due to the fact that they can bicker constantly and then forge ahead as well as enjoy quality time apart. I found out that my Dad was off on a beach trip while my Mom remained at the home front with her siblings. This is a little snippet of our conversation:

Mom: How is everyone there doing? Are you keeping in touch with your sisters?

Wicked: Yes Mom, everyone is fine.

Mom: How is Smelly? Have you seen Smelly?

Wicked: Mom she is growing like the wind, although she is only five months old. She really still only eats, sleeps and poops. You haven’t missed much, trust me.

Mom: Your Father is mad at me.

Wicked: What now?

Mom: He thinks I lost our return tickets and passports.

Wicked: Really? He left them in your care? He is usually too anal about stuff like that.

Mom: He swears that he gave them all to me and now they are missing. Of course, he has his passport.

Wicked: I am relatively sure he did not give them to you, he is a control freak after all.

Mom: I know, I agree. You need to help us find them.

Wicked: Mom, you and I are on separate continents right now. I can only suggest places he may have hidden them. Check all the zippered compartments of the suit cases, the far recesses of any and all drawers, etc.

Mom: Eh! It’s his problem. If he lost my passport, then I guess I will stay here with my brothers and sisters.

Wicked: Okay, you know what is best. I guess we will have to just show Smelly pictures of you...

Mom: Fine! I need to get off the phone and start searching. Bye....Love you!

As I was going to work today, I noticed I had a message on my cell phone. Being the low-tech gal that I am, once I enter the sanctuary of my home, I don’t carry my cell around with me in the house. I still am of the I need a land line school of thought.

The message was from my Father. He was telling me that he was at a beach with friends and that my Mother has lost her passport and both of their return tickets. He requested that I help her retrieve the items. I just shook my head as I giggled. Remember I am on an entirely different continent and can only offer support by phone.

It is of note that my younger sister, Maternal Countessa - Smelly’s Mom, also got a call today from our Dad. He told her the same story. She, not being too supportive, asked him what exactly he thought she could do for them? Shocker that he hung up on her.

You have to love the long distance hijinks that my Parents can generate. Maternal Countessa told me that Mom could simply go to the nearest American Embassy and get a new passport lickety split. I reminded her that in this post 9/11 world, there will be no re-issuing of passports lickety or splitting. Shocker that she hung up on me too.

I need a drink.

Stay tuned to find out if our Parents are able to return together or not.

Make that drink a double!!


Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy Birthday America!!!

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However you celebrate, please do it safely.

I will be back at work on Thursday. Those of you lucky enough to have the rest of the week off, enjoy!

To Our Troops: We thank you, love and support you and hope that all of you are coming home soon.

Happy 4th Everyone!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Concert for Diana

As I sit here watching the Concert in Honor of Diana, I come away with a huge obstacle. Why do today’s popular artists need back up dancers? I just don’t get it. Personally I could care less who is up there gyrating along with the music. Just give me the singer, his/her music, the band and let me enjoy. Who needs this much extra stimulation? Not me. For the record, it is very distracting.

Perhaps it is a generational thing. So I am a dinosaur, I am okay with that. You don’t see a bunch of people wriggling about while Elton or Rod Stewart are out there doing their thing.

Hope you all are enjoying the concert.