tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75948462024-03-13T14:43:35.596+00:00Avert Your EyesThe rantings of a middle aged, middle daughter of a psychiatrist...this should be FUN!Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.comBlogger723125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-33323580563264335142014-02-01T15:38:00.001+00:002014-02-01T15:38:32.211+00:00Hello, Is Anybody Out There?<p> I hope to end my self imposed hiatus. I am dipping my toes back into the blogging pool. Follow along, glad to have you here. <span style="line-height: 1.3em;">As with anything else, the break has given me a new perspective. I am in my 50's now and have learned not to sweat the small stuff. Mentally and physically I am in a far greater place than when I first began. </span></p>
<p><span style="line-height: 1.3em;">As a family we are learning to deal with elderly but relatively healthy parents, it is definitely not easy but we are all fortunate that our parents are still able to live on their own. It is a bit scary to realize that their warranty's may be running out soon but we are determined to be more patient and understanding and grateful for the fun times and less angry with the frustrating episodes. If there are helpful hints out there, by all means throw them my way.</span></p>
<p><span style="line-height: 1.3em;">Lil Wicked is a sophomore in college!! OMG! She is studying journalism and is blossoming in the most fabulous way. She has a great foundation for being able to cope with all the nuances of college life; I am happy to be her confidant. </span></p>
<p><span style="line-height: 1.3em;">I have a new furry kid, my 2 year old golden retriever. We will call him Sir Giraffe as he is a very tall golden. About 7 months ago he developed epilepsy so life can be challenging when he has seizures. It is the worst feeling in the world to watch your fur baby have multiple seizures. After each episode I am trying to be stronger emotionally, some times are easier than others. He is on medication and life between seizures is great, hopefully he will live a long healthy, happy life. </span></p>
<p><span style="line-height: 1.3em;">My work life is the same, this year I will strive to make changes with that situation. Fingers crossed. </span></p>
<p><span style="line-height: 1.3em;">I started out the new year with a great surprise. I won 2 round trip tickets to Turkey by commenting on a FB page about what the Holidays meant to me. My luck is changing! Lil Wicked and I will be traveling in May as soon as her semester is over. </span></p>
<p><span style="line-height: 1.3em;"> I believe we are all caught up. Welcome aboard.... </span></p><div style="text-align: right; font-size: small; clear: both;" id="blogsy_footer"><a href="http://blogsyapp.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://blogsyapp.com/images/blogsy_footer_icon.png" alt="Posted with Blogsy" style="vertical-align: middle; margin-right: 5px;" width="20" height="20" />Posted with Blogsy</a></div>Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-73462465169703595442013-06-11T16:52:00.000+00:002013-06-11T16:52:28.466+00:00The Return of LongfellowThis might be the best text exchange I have ever experienced, so I will share.....<br />
<br />
<strong>Wicked H:</strong> <br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oddest text you might receive...I have lost my english cucumber somewhere between the kitchen counter and my car. Definitely not in my car. Hopefully the Boy is not chowing down. In case you run into it. Have a good one!</span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Dog Walker:</strong> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Def oddest! I'll put up some lost signs in the 'hood. Missing: tall English gent. Answers to name 'Longfellow'</div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong>Wicked H: </strong>Snort!</div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong>Dog Walker: </strong><br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Often heard saying: "It's not easy being green." People assume he's seedy.</div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong>Wicked H:</strong></div>
<o:p><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Cancel the ransom. Longfellow has been found! Your signs worked!</div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong>Dog Walker:</strong></div>
<o:p><div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Oh good! I feared he'd get knifed if out in the big bad world for too long on his own.<o:p></o:p></div>
</o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
</o:p></span>Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-51182748109649180882012-10-04T00:44:00.000+00:002012-10-04T00:46:28.168+00:00Wicked AND 50!!Is this where I thought I'd be as a younger version of myself? If my memory would work,I'd answer the question but alas..<br />
<br />
I am in a pretty good place. This birthday did not come with a negative vibe which I am happy about. Age does bring wisdom, I embrace it with a vengance.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"> Laughter is a huge part of my life, not sweating the small stuff and always looking forward are the keys to my existence.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Happy Half Century to Me!</span>Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-22398542532085491602012-08-30T16:40:00.001+00:002012-08-30T16:40:52.451+00:00Smelly Goes to Kindergarten!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8m_LzXKA-Vc/UD-XagjtIqI/AAAAAAAAAGE/ty47f5gmPRY/s1600/smelly+goes+to+kindergarten.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" fea="true" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8m_LzXKA-Vc/UD-XagjtIqI/AAAAAAAAAGE/ty47f5gmPRY/s320/smelly+goes+to+kindergarten.jpg" width="157" /></a></div>Time flies! Hope you love school, Smelly!!<br />
<br />
Love Aunt Wicked!Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-63406050137121693722012-05-08T18:52:00.002+00:002012-05-08T20:46:43.534+00:00Tick Removal in the BuffThis morning at Casa Wicked, Remington the wonder pup needed a tick extraction from the corner of his eye. I decided I would jump in the shower following our 4:30 am walk and then tackle the task of tick removal.
As I open up the shower curtain I am greeted with Sir Remington and my bath mat shredded beyond recognition. I decided to throw a towel on my hair and around my body and rid my pup of the tick. He was happily lounging against the bathroom cabinet so I squatted down and tried to remove the tick. Of course there was much commotion and squirming on his part and to over compensate and keep him still my towel fell off.
I had to make the split second decision of forging ahead with the removal as I was ahead of the game. I got the tick off while nude and then Remington sprinted off into the bedroom with my towel and the bath mat and out of anxiety peed on the bedroom carpet.
I made one more executive decision to not proceed any further until I was clothed. It was at that moment that I remembered the difficulty of dressing while soaking wet.
Hope your day started out much better than ours.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-64403761992886768312012-02-26T16:48:00.005+00:002012-02-26T16:57:33.960+00:00Advice from Aunt WickedDear First Love of Lil Wicked:<br /><br />Let me start off by saying that when I became an Aunt for the first time, I was delighted in seeing the world through Lil Wicked's eyes. I have to say that the past month has been gut wrenching watching my niece experience her first heart ache. <br /><br />So First Love, I have some advice for you. I am a firm believer that it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. That being said, watching how you are behaving during the end of this romance has me concerned for your future relationships. Trust me First Love, Lil Wicked is going to come out of this stronger than she went into it and most certainly wiser and with her pride at it's highest. You on the other hand are setting yourself up for failure each and every time. Be a "man" and either give each other the closure you both deserve or shut it down entirely. Let me be blunt, stop texting my niece and then act like she is invisible during school. <br /><br />Lil Wicked has been more than supportive of your inability to communicate. She has gone above and beyond while you remain weak and passive. I feel sorry for you. Although I don't exactly know what spurred the end of the relationship, I have a pretty good idea. Your silence and inaction's speak volumes. <br /><br />Grow a pair and handle your demons as they come otherwise you will become a bitter and lonely boy/man. There are many facets to growing up and the sooner you learn how to navigate the waters, the easier the process will be. <br /><br />She doesn't know it yet but Lil Wicked will come out of this just fine. She has an excellent support system. I wish the same for you, truly. <br /><br />Love and kisses - Aunt WickedWicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-41578746915589952822012-02-01T17:13:00.000+00:002012-02-01T17:14:46.782+00:00Career ChangeA gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork. He was burned out. Hoping to try another career, where skillful hands would be beneficial; he decided to become a mechanic. <br /><br /> He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam, with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. <br /><br /> Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result; but I wonder if there is an error in the score?"<br /> <br /> "The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly; which was worth 50% of the total score. You put the engine back together again perfectly; which is also worth 50%, of the score." After a pause, the instructor added; "I gave you an extra 50%, because you did it all through the muffler; which I've never seen done in my entire career".Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-80033465424762719262011-12-21T17:26:00.002+00:002011-12-21T18:43:06.445+00:00This Greeting has been Cleared by my Attorney<em>(This has been posted by me before, we are in a recession!)</em><br /><br /><a href="http://s34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/?action=view¤t=cid_F28696B8-204D-4E53-99BA-AD26-1.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/cid_F28696B8-204D-4E53-99BA-AD26-1.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />From me ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee") please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.<br /><br />I wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee.<br /><br />By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:-<br /><br />This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.<br /><br />This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.<br /><br />This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.<br /><br />This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.<br /><br />This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.<br /><br />The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. Any references in this greeting to "The Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Savior", "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer" or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.<br /><br />This greeting is made under United States Law.<br /><br />Dated this 22nd day of December two thousand and eleven.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-41423488030686965552011-11-16T23:13:00.002+00:002011-11-16T23:38:45.982+00:00Holiday Season Version 2011Oh the Holidays......<br /><br />I know we all have the unique quirky family dynamic. Each one of us has stories to tell. <br /><br />Instead of waxing poetic or nauseous, let me simply give you a snippet of an attempt of planning the Family Wicked's Thanksgiving: <br /><br />(I phone my elderly parents on Monday November 15th)<br /><br /><strong>Wicked H</strong>: Hi Mom and Dad, do we have any plans for Thanksgiving this year? <br /><br /><strong>Mom</strong>: Oh, well Brain Surgeon told me it was at your house this year.<br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: Really? I hosted last year, let me check with her and I'll get back to you. <br /><br />(e-mail to Brain Surgeon(BS)asking what if any plans there are for Thanksgiving right after the phone call with Mom)<br /><br /><strong>BS</strong>: I got your e-mail, what is the plan? I am off for only Thanksgiving. <br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: Ok, well Mom said that you told her it was at my house this year.<br /><br /><strong>BS</strong>: I DID NOT say that. In fact Thanksgiving never came up in our last conversation. <br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: I figured, maybe she was remembering last year. In any case, I vote we have it at Mom & Dad's house. She can make only the Turkey, we can bring all the rest.<br /><br /><strong>BS</strong>: What about Maternal Countessa aka Medical Technologist Extraordinaire? <br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: I tell you what, let me call mom & Dad and make sure having it at their house is ok and then in order to end ANY miscommunication I will shoot everyone an e-mail. That way we all see the responses as they come through.<br /><br /><strong>BS</strong>: Deal, talk at you later. <br /><br />(I call and confirm with Mom & Dad that these plans are sound and send out the e-mail. Recipients include BS ( Older sister) and her husband, Medical Technologist Extraordinaire ( younger sister) and her husband as well as my parents.)<br /><br />My phone rings 30 minutes later, it is Medical Technologist Extraordinaire MTE<br /><br /><strong>MTE</strong>: Hi Wicked, I hear you are hosting Thanksgiving this year, I just talked to Mom.<br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: No, Mom is hosting. It will be at 4 pm, she is making the Turkey the rest of us who can come are bringing all else. I just sent an e-mail<br /><br /><strong>MTE</strong>: Oh, well we are going to my in-laws for Thanksgiving. I did not read the e-mail.<br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: No problem, if you could just reply to all then we can all be on the same page. BS and I will bring the rest of the food. <br /><br /><strong>MTE</strong>: What are you bringing?????<br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: I don't know yet, nobody has answered the e-mail. But what does it matter, you won't be there you said. <br /><br /><strong>MTE</strong>: What about Christmas? <br /><br /><strong>WH</strong>: Well usually the married sisters do Christmas on the actual day and then we figure out the rest. Maybe Saturday will be good this year. Although you should just ask that question when you reply to all for the Thanksgiving e-mail. That way BS and her husband can let us all know if that is good for them. <br /><br /><strong>MTE</strong>: I'll think about it. <br /><br />Oy. Vey. Maria!<br /><br />Here is hoping you and yours enjoy a pleasant holiday season. <br /><br />For me, there are not enough grapes on the planet to keep up with the impending wine consumption.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-19977907233420394332011-08-18T22:49:00.003+00:002011-08-18T22:58:49.392+00:00Don’t Cry Wolf for Me ArgentinaI love my family with the heat of a thousand suns. We were raised to love, honor and respect one another.
<br />
<br />My Mother is the eldest sibling, had plenty of love and attention growing up and to this day she is the most respected member of the entire family. This is not something you can learn, you either earn this standing in the family or you don’t. She wears it very well, she deserves it. She lives for it.
<br />
<br />She also has an ugly character flaw she loves drama. Specifically the type of dramatic flair that Aesop would have envied while penning “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” perhaps he knew my Mother. I have never understood the crying wolf strategy. I mean why does she feel the need to bring it into play?
<br />
<br />Both of my parents are elderly at this point and have watched younger family members and dear friends pass away. I understand that with each passing they gauge their mortality. Thankfully for their age they are healthy both mentally and physically. Of course there are changes as each year passes but we are so lucky to have functional parents. May the rest of their years on this planet be healthy, happy ones. Amen.
<br />
<br />As she ages, my Mother’s drama spirals out of control. Today I called Mom from work just to check in. The Great White Retired Psychiatrist (my Father) answered the phone in a mood. This is not unusual for elderly parents. This is how our conversation went:
<br />
<br /><strong>GWRP:</strong> We are trying to do the best we can…
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> What’s going on Dad?
<br /><strong>GWRP:</strong> Here, talk to your Mother. She will explain.
<br /><strong>Drama Queen:</strong> (barely audible) Hello?
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> Oh hi Mom, how are you?
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> (HEAVY SIGH)……….. (Followed by a short of breath) not good.
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> What is wrong?
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> My legs are heavy (deep sigh) I am dizzy (sigh) I just don’t feel right. I am sure it will pass, if not know that I love you.
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> Maybe you should call your doctor.
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> No, I don’t want to die in a hospital.
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> Are you dying?
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> In case I do, just bury me somewhere.
<br />(During this exchange, she was yelling orders to my Dad to put this there and that over there. She is hosting the weekly lunch with 2 of her closest friends one hour from this phone call)
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> Maybe you should cancel the luncheon.
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> Just make sure my burial plot will have a nice view of a meadow.
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> Sure thing Mom. I know Dad wants a cement bench and a plot near the cemetery’s restroom so his visitors won’t have to worry about emptying their bladder. Brain Surgeon wants a fountain. Do you have any special requests?
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> Just that you visit regularly.
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> You got it!
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> (Heavy Sigh) Well…I need to finish my preparations.
<br /><strong>Wicked:</strong> Ok, tell the ladies hello.
<br /><strong>DQ:</strong> (perkily) I sure will – kisses…bye.
<br />
<br />Maybe she does this so I can keep the internets amused?
<br />Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-64199210619425556362011-07-07T22:22:00.005+00:002011-07-07T22:38:19.112+00:0016!!Lil Wicked, 16!<br /> <br />July 8th - OMG<br /><br />It seems like only yesterday I was driving like a crazy woman up I-85 trying to get to the hospital before she was born. <br /><br />For full disclosure purposes, she coined herself Lil Wicked and still does as far as I know. As my first niece I cannot express to you how proud I have been her entire life. I am sure to wave the proud Auntie flag well into the future. I know I am biased and perhaps they are growing them smarter these days, but this kid/young adult has an incredible knack for social problem solving. She shows more grace than 5adults combined. I have learned so much from her poise and attitude.<br /> <br />Does she have rough spots with her parental units? Of course she does, which one of us hasn’t? Some of us (ahem) still do.<br /> <br />On our last trip to NYC, our dear friend Frances who had met Lil Wicked for the first time said that she had magical story telling abilities. You do not want to argue with Frances because she is absolutely right. I am privileged to have such a fantastic person as my first niece who is speeding through life and allows me to take part.<br /> <br />I cannot wait to see how your life continues to unfold, Lil Wicked. You have made me a better person. I love you! Wishing you happiness, ALWAYS!!!!!Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-27810220216733903662011-06-12T18:48:00.001+00:002011-06-12T18:51:20.584+00:00Schmucks R Us...Not!Do people actually fall for this? <br /><br />FEDEX COURIER SERVICE,<br />EDO STATE,NIGERIA<br />WEST AFRICA.<br />12-06-2011<br /><br />Dear Customer!<br />SHIPMENT CODE: CPEL/OWN/9856<br />PARCEL #: EG2272<br /><br />You have a parcel contaning an ATM CARD worth Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars<br />[$800,000.00USD] with us at the FedEx delivery company. Your delivery<br />charges has been paid for. All you have to do is to re-confirm your<br />information with the correct mailing address and make a payment of<br />$210USD only [Two Hundred and Twenty Dollars Only] for the security<br />keeping fee of the said parcel.<br /><br />For your information, the delivery Charges, Insurance premium and<br />Clearance Certificate Fee of the ATM CARD showing that it is not a Drug<br />Money or meant to sponsor Terrorist attack in your Country have all been<br />paid for. You have to contact the Dispatch Office now for the delivery of<br />your Draft with this information below:<br /><br />Contact Person: Bryan Smith<br />Email Address: Email: bryansmith707@asus.hk <br />Telephone:+234 816 4075 882<br /><br />Please reconfirm your details:<br /><br />FULL NAMES:<br />TELEPHONE:<br />POSTAL ADDRESS:<br />STATE:<br />COUNTRY:<br /><br />Again, don't be deceived by anybody to pay any other money except<br />$210US Dollars as stipulated by the company. They would have paid that<br />but we said no because we don't know when you will contact us and in case<br />of any demurrage.<br />Finally, make sure that you re-confirm your Postal address(s) and Direct<br />telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery.<br /><br />Yours Faithfully,<br /><br />Ms. Dora Williams,<br />Secretary.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-2130691870910373232011-05-31T23:05:00.002+00:002011-05-31T23:09:46.716+00:00ReferencesMy soon to be 16 year old niece has given my name as a reference for her part time job at a church. <br /><br />First of all, almost 16 – OMG!!!<br /> <br />Secondly, has she met me? <br /><br />I called Lil Wicked to make sure I had my ducks in a row before returning the call to the humble servant of the Holy Something or Another Church. Our conversation went something like this:<br /><br /><strong>Lil Wicked:</strong> Hey, whassup? <br /><br /><strong>Wicked H:</strong> I have a very serious and important message from Louise of Holy Something or Another Church. You haven’t sent a complaint about me straight to the Pope, have you? <br /><br /><strong>Lil Wicked:</strong> What?? No! She needs to know about me since I have been stacking and un stacking chairs every Sunday. <br /><br /><strong>Wicked H:</strong> Haven’t you been doing this for a while? <br /><br /><strong>Lil Wicked:</strong> Yes, not sure why she wants the reference now.<br /><br /><strong>Wicked H:</strong> No problem, are there any topics off limits?<br /> <br /><strong>Lil Wicked:</strong> Like what?<br /> <br /><strong>Wicked H:</strong> Well, is it alright if I let Louise know what your stripper name is? I can fib and let her know that is strictly a strip club for Holy Rollers.<br /> <br /><strong>Lil Wicked:</strong> (uncontrolled snorting)<br /> <br /><strong>Wicked H:</strong> I’ll take that as a yes then. Good Luck on Finals!<br /><br />That kid, she can count on me!Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-55131907124766975182011-04-24T11:54:00.001+00:002011-04-24T11:54:55.840+00:00Happy Easter<a href="http://s34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/?action=view¤t=38913c24.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/38913c24.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos" /></a>Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-42986572262151419552011-03-06T13:50:00.003+00:002011-03-06T15:47:11.602+00:00Music Heals the Soul and Adds Much Needed HumorSome of the 1960's Hits Are Being Revived! Some of you may remember a few of these old tunes!! These artists are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us aging baby boomers and those of us who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday.<br /><br /><br />They include:<br /><br />Bobby Darin ---<br />Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash<br /> <br />Herman's Hermits ---<br />Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker<br /><br />Ringo Starr ---<br />I Get By With A Little Help From Depends<br /><br />The Bee Gees -- -<br />How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?<br /><br />Roberta Flack---<br />The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face?<br /><br />Johnny Nash ---<br />I Can't See Clearly Now.<br /><br />Paul Simon---<br />Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver.<br /><br />The Commodores ---<br />Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom<br /><br />Procol Harem---<br />A Whiter Shade Of Hair?<br /><br />Leo Sayer ---<br />You Make Me Feel Like Napping<br /><br />The Temptations ---<br />Papa's Got A Kidney Stone<br /><br />Abba---<br />Denture Queen<br /> <br />Tony Orlando ---<br />Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall<br /><br />Helen Reddy ---<br />I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore<br /><br />Leslie Gore---<br />It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To<br /><br />And Last but NOT least...<br /><br />Willie Nelson ---<br />On the Commode Again<br /> Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-23234995782786643502011-02-22T03:29:00.002+00:002011-02-22T04:09:00.576+00:00Only in New YorkAs we were exiting the performance of American Idiot, we noticed barricades being set up outside the theatre for the last showing of The Merchant of Venice. We were more than a little excited to be in the presence of the real Michael Corleone.<br /><br />We stood vigil behind the barricades and security tape, cameras at the ready. A significant crowd was forming. After an hour of waiting one young voice in the crowd behind me asked her Mother why we were waiting. The youngster just did not understand,she proclaimed: "CAPPUCCINO? We can get that at Starbucks!!!"<br /><br /> Twenty minutes later, out came Al Pacino who signed dozens of autographs, ascended his ride and waved to the crowd blew us all a kiss and drove off to the wrap party. Hoo-ha!Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-50143022275429296662010-12-31T00:08:00.001+00:002010-12-31T00:08:56.281+00:00Happy New Year!May peace fill all the empty spaces around you<br />And in you, may contentment answer all your wishes.<br />May comfort be yours, warm and soft like a sigh.<br />And may the coming year<br />show you that every day is really a first day,<br />a new year.<br /><br />Let abundance be your constant companion,<br />so that you have much to share.<br />May mirth be near you always,<br />like a lamp shining brightly<br />on the many paths you travel.<br />May you be true love.<br /><br />-- Author UnknownWicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-54461283507197552812010-12-24T00:00:00.000+00:002010-12-24T13:31:55.010+00:00<em>(This one is a repeat by me but we are still in a recession!)</em><br /><br /><a href="http://s34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/?action=view¤t=cid_F28696B8-204D-4E53-99BA-AD26-1.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/cid_F28696B8-204D-4E53-99BA-AD26-1.gif" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />From me ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee") please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.<br /><br />I wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee.<br /><br />By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:-<br /><br />This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.<br /><br />This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.<br /><br />This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.<br /><br />This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.<br /><br />This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.<br /><br />The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. Any references in this greeting to "The Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Savior", "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer" or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.<br /><br />This greeting is made under United States Law.<br /><br />Dated this 24th day of December two thousand and ten.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-28736653102055728222010-11-24T12:58:00.000+00:002010-11-24T12:59:48.377+00:00Count the Blessings<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/thanksgiving-dirty-turkey.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a><br /><br />Life is too short. Enjoy your family. If you cannot do it honestly, it is my true belief that this is the exact reason alcohol was invented.<br /><br />Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-45771474772212331022010-10-31T19:19:00.000+00:002010-10-31T19:20:45.751+00:00Happy Halloween to All, Wishing you a Good Fright!Who knew? I wasn’t too inspired for the work Halloween dress up deal, but I was a semi good sport and had a version of this on: <br /><br /><a href="http://s34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/?action=view¤t=nudistonstrike.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/nudistonstrike.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />Not only did I win best costume but I have not been flirted with this much in forever. I cannot tell you how many men in the office and visiting the office asked if the strike would be over on Monday. The UPS guy was beside himself, he declared “why you gotta be on strike TODAY?”<br /><br />The ole girl still has it! Shocking!<br /><br />Have a safe and happy Halloween!Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-77929957842820486612010-10-10T17:39:00.000+00:002010-10-10T17:40:23.141+00:00Save the Ta Ta'sWe’ve come a long way baby.<br /><br />If the entire NFL can rock the pink during Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the least the rest of us can do is be aware and stay healthy. <br /><br />What we can do; yearly mammograms and monthly self breast exams. Ladies, teach your significant others how to examine your breasts. Might as well be both pro-active and have fun at least once a month. <br /><br />Although I recommend as much fun per month as humanly possible, the breast exam only needs to be done once. <br /><br />Use your imaginations. Instead of asking for an autograph from your favorite NFL player, ask for a breast exam. In the name of science, of course.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-14322042837398090522010-10-04T00:00:00.001+00:002010-10-04T00:00:00.761+00:00A New Year, a New Leaf<a href="http://s34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/?action=view¤t=images-1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/images-1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />I have fallen off the blogging wagon and have decided that I need to do better. I lost my inspiration due to some unforeseen circumstances and felt that if I wrote during those times it would be nothing but a whine fest. Certainly not in a humorous way; I spared you all. You are most welcome.<br /><br />I feel better when I can share what is bouncing around in my head or life. Twitter is nice but my issues demand more than 140 characters. Join me while I kick my way through the fall leaves. One of my fondest memories as a kid, raking the leaves into a huge pile and then running full speed ahead and leaping right in.<br /><br />Let the leaves fall and the words flow. <br /><br />Happy 48th to me, the best is yet to come.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-27222038237040762992010-07-11T19:23:00.000+00:002010-07-11T19:25:31.411+00:00Wallows Accompanying Swallows in CapistranoThis was not my first choice for the title but it was far more entertaining AND it rhymes. These days it is entirely about me changing my tude. <br /><br />Yes, well about my attitude. It has taken me this long to understand that wallowing is not healthy or productive. I am perfecting the act of making boatloads of lemon aid. Perhaps a career in mixology should be in my future. Never say never maybe a part time gig. <br /><br />All members of the family who are battling cancer are in the throes of their treatment, they are handling it as best they can. We offer support and encouragement and continue to pray for good news. It is all we can do. <br /><br />Four members of the family have come over from the Motherland and we have a jam packed tour of the USA all scheduled. I do hope that they wanted every waking second of their trip planned. If not, we will learn to drop back and punt. We are so good at that as a family unit. If you believe that one, I have some ocean front property in Arizona I am happy to give away. Have your people call mine. <br /><br />Due to work schedule constraints, I am only able to take the second leg of the USA tour. I will gladly take the team of seven to the Big Apple where we will see all the sights on the list. If there are any impromptu shopping excursions planned, I have already decided to duck into the nearest watering hole. I love my family but they love shopping and me, not so much. <br /><br />Disney World & Universal Studios, if you could ease up on the humidity next week, it would be greatly appreciated. New York, gird your loins. The Family Wicked is on the way soon.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-30574874611083682582010-05-31T22:12:00.002+00:002010-05-31T22:15:18.043+00:00Rainbows and Freakin UnicornsPay no attention to the woman behind the curtain. <br /><br />I am trying to change up the negative karma plaguing me and those I care for. I am running out of options my friends. <br /><br />Any and all suggestions are welcome.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7594846.post-36808247997668980932010-05-22T18:59:00.001+00:002010-05-22T19:02:27.121+00:00Sad Situation<a href="http://s34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/?action=view¤t=sad-clown.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d118/WickedH/sad-clown.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br /><br />Things, good and bad, come in threes. <br /><br />Normal daily activities of late have been more than overwhelming, therefore the flowing of creative juices has been stymied. By the end of this week, I realized that certain things are in my control and I really need to just get over myself. I won’t go into detail; it isn’t the reason for this post. I recognize that it is up to me to make lemonade. <br /><br />In the span of 2 weeks, my family has received three separate and increasingly demoralizing bits of information. We have a very odd unspoken rule regarding not sharing bad news the second we learn of it. It depends on the situation however my excuse it to with hold the tidbit until all facts materialize and then release it to my inner circle. I have found that it is easier to deal all data when it is clearly displayed. What ifs definitely do not work in my family. Another reason to censor is to get hold of my initial reaction before I try to offer comfort to others. It may not be right, but it is how we collectively deal with life. <br /><br />I wish I had the ability to step in and control the outcome of these three scenarios. Unfortunately, all I can do is be supportive, remain optimistic and pray. Along with things happening in groups of three they also seem to happen for a reason. I would give anything to know that reason and do everything in my power to make it all better. Right now. <br /><br />Mantra: Pray, optimism and support. It's all I can do.Wicked Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11217299479995842568noreply@blogger.com5