Sunday, March 29, 2009

Dear Department Store Portrait Photographer:

I use the term photographer very loosely. I am sure that you have been trained in some capacity to arrange a multi-generational family in order to snap a few photos. Although, after our session today, perhaps you are a product of the employment down turn and this is your interim job.

In case you missed the training or it was above or beneath you, I am going to give you a few pointers. Like it or not, you are in a Customer Service business. Would it have killed you to demonstrate of modicum of pleasantness? Your constant scowl was more than a little off putting. Our family consists of three generations ranging in age from 2 through 84. Asking my parents to straddle a coupe of pieces of styrofoam was crossing the line. Luckily Maternal Countessa did not allow them to even attempt the pose. After that, things went downhill.

It is no wonder that the pictures you presented us with were less than par. There were 9 of us in the portrait. Between you asking me to kneel in a very uncomfortable and awkward position and then asking us to wave frantically at some sensor above our heads to get your flash to work, it was quite difficult to agree upon any pictures. To be honest, I only agreed to the one so that our ordeal could end quicker.

This picture far outshines the one we purchased:


I wonder who took their photo?

Maybe next year we will do more research and find a photographer that will a) actually enjoy their work and b) their enjoyment will rub off on us.

Love and Kisses - Wicked

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Change is Good


I spent this weekend packing, moving and unpacking my office. In the soon to be seven years working for this company, I have moved locations a grand total of 5 times.

This time I had a team of 7 moving with me. Previously, it has always been just me moving; we have since grown. I have the procedure down to a science; my team mates were struggling. I now posses a sweet corner office with a panoramic view of Lord & Taylor at Fair Oaks Mall and a birds eye view of Route 50. If you are a local reader and ever need a traffic update, just let me know. My team mates are so thrilled to be in such close proximity to a Mall. I, being allergic to shopping, am not that impressed.

I am simply happy for two things; 1) my own office and 2) to continue my employment with a company who is in a growth spurt.

Change is good. Change is inevitable. In our case, for now, change is security.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Laughter, Always the Best Prescription

Physicians' Opinion of Financial Bail Out Package:

The Allergists voted to scratch it,
but the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,
but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh,Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow,
and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward,
but the Urologists were pis$ed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas,
and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out,
leaving the entire decision up to the as$holes in Washington.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Can You Hear Me Now?

Recently it was my turn to be supportive of my older sister the Brain Surgeon. As life does, it threw her a slight curve and she had to take the role of patient. No need to panic, all is well.

While waiting for my sister to get through her minor surgical procedure, I had the displeasure of sharing the Ambulatory Surgery Center waiting room with one other person. We all deal with stress in different ways. Suffice it to say that the gentleman in the waiting room deals with stress by remaining connected. Who needs three cell phones? Seriously! This guy had one blue tooth dangling off his ear, one on his belt and the other in his hand. I thought the folks in NYC were terrific multi taskers until I spent two quality hours with Mr. Connected.

Not only was he able to conduct three simultaneous phone conversations he was also able to follow his stories on TV. So much so that during key scenes of One Life to Live and General Hospital he was able to stop his conference calls temporarily and focus on plot lines.

He was able to solve the following problems during his wait:

* Arranged child care for the baby
* Line up 8 detail jobs across the bridge(Bay Bridge) which would earn him $500 each
* Give one of his family members incorrect directions to the Surgery Center
* Use his pocket knife to clean his nails
* Continue to give wrong directions to the Surgery Center
* Figured out who attacked the female character on the stretcher on One Life to Live
* Gave up on directions and handed one of the cell phones to the receptionist who guided the family member to the Center
* Received a recipe for soup from one call; simple soup - chicken necks simmered in water
* Attempted and failed to help someone with homework, “wait for your Mama to get home”

Oy! I was exhausted just listening to him. Although he was a great distraction.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Mother Nature Goes Through Menopause

See this?


Friday it was 70 degrees here!

My office never closes for weather, today is the first time.

Thank you Mother Nature!!