Thursday, October 30, 2008

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

That is How We Roll


Best line spoken by Lil Wicked during our scrabble game this past weekend.

“ Don’t know what it means. BUT, it is a valid word!”

True that!

Who can argue with that kind of thirteen year old conviction? With it, she won the game.

Well played, Lil Wicked. Well played!!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Random Acts of Tagness

T2ed, who apparently is too stubborn to call the Dog Whisperer, has tagged me. Since I understand what it is like to be beaten by pups, I shall indulge him.

Who knew random came in sevens? There may be a quiz requiring a number two pencil. It may behoove you to pay attention.

1) I was raised to be afraid of doctors. (Considering the fact that my own Dad is a physician I always felt this tactic was odd.) The only time I would have to go to my pediatrician was for immunizations. All other normal childhood ailments my Dad would treat. When I was misbehaving, my Mom would threaten me with a visit to the doctor for a shot. I hated shots. It got to the point of me diving under the dining room table when Mom tried to get me to my scheduled pediatrician visits. Luckily for me, I had a wonderful doctor. He was pretty smart too, he taught me to be afraid of the nurses with the needles and not him. Brilliant!

2) If you are a solicitor, you’d be wise to not knock on my door. My home is my sanctuary. The last thing I want in an unwanted visit from a salesperson or Jehovah’s Witness. The last time I slipped and answered the door on a weekend, I was greeted by 2 persistent Jehovah’s Witnesses. They would not leave so that I could close my door. So I told them that I would be happy to listen to their spiel if they didn’t mind coming in while I sacrificed a Christian. Amazing how fast they flew down the front steps. Come to think of it, they’ve never knocked since.

3) I am an avid dog lover. However, the loss of my golden retriever is still so very painful that I don’t think I will ever get another dog. Dexter and I had 13 wonderful years together but I will never forget the pain I felt the day I had to take him to be put down. I know many of us have had terrific pets/furry children in our lives but he can never be replaced. Also I don’t think I have the emotional strength to ever have to go through losing a pet in that way again. Maybe I am a coward.

4) Although I am getting much better, I am a holder of grudges. I have a very high tolerance for bullshit. However, if you purposefully hurt me, you are done. I will not waste the time with useless confrontations, I will simply hit the delete button. Poof, you will exit my radar for good. There are plenty of great radar blips that I refuse to scramble the signals with the bad.

5) When I was seven years old, my younger sister was born. My parents were not necessarily planning this third child which might explain why we had a 4 month old puppy when she was born. The puppy was extremely jealous of the baby and my Mom decided we had to give the puppy away. I was devastated; not only was I not the youngest but the baby was the reason the puppy was departing. In retaliation, when she was six months old, I attempted to throw my baby sister into the trash. She was minding her own business in her playpen when I took her out and tried stuffing her into the tiny trash can in my bedroom. She looked like a Jack-in-the-Box, so I quietly returned her to the playpen. I did not admit to this until I was 18.

6) I may be one of a very few females who dislikes shopping. Let me clarify, I dislike shopping in stores. I love the ease and comfort of pointing and clicking my way to bargains and treasures online. The thought of spending my cherished free (non-working) time fighting someone over a parking space or playing bumper carts in a grocery store, sucks the life right out of me. Those of you, which includes both my sisters and Mom, who find solace in shopping, kudos to you. I simply do not find anything relaxing about the whole ordeal.

7) Laughter is the best medicine and the first line of defense. Lets face it, these days if you can’t find anything to laugh at, stay away from building with more than fifteen stories or loaded firearms. I make sure I enjoy a hearty belly laugh at least once a day, more like once an hour. I am known as the spirit lifter at work. I am frequently called upon to make someone laugh. Laughter comes easier when you learn how not to sweat the small stuff.

Whew! Okay, you can all relax. That was cathartic. I won’t tag anyone. However, if you’d like to randomize, drop me a line in the comments and I will gladly come by and read.

The quiz is scheduled for Wednesday afternoon; good luck.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Okay. I have repeatedly admitted that I am very slow on the uptake when it comes to technology. I did not need to touch a computer until my early thirties; this should explain a lot.

So, for my birthday I received the Wii. I have attempted to play before with my niece who probably burned more calories laughing her ass off watching me fail miserably. What are Aunts for? Right Lil Wicked?

I am happy to announce that hooking up the contraption was very easy. I conquered making a Mii, I even named her Wicked H. All this with no help, I’ve come a long way baby!

I inserted the sports game disc, managed to bowl with no problems. Tennis, not so much. I tried and tried, the best I could do was serve. As for returning the ball either it bounced twice and the crowd booed or I hit the spectators square in the head. I think I should earn a quarter point for at least that, seriously. Can you all do that?

I just got off the phone with Lil Wicked. She may have a stitch in her side from the uproarious laughter. Apparently one needs no button while playing tennis. The fine folks at Wii do not mention this. Why is that?

In any case, I am off to conquer tennis with my condom encased Wii remote. Something Lil Wicked’s does not have.


Saturday, October 04, 2008

Rhymes with Sporty Clicks

What can I say? They say your mind is the first thing to go.

Wait, I think the first thing to take a hike is the elasticity of your skin. Or is it the eye sight?

The explosion of grey hair and not just on your scalp. The onset of many wrinkles, hot flashes, creaking joints; the list goes on forever.

Wisdom? Yes. There is the silver lining. With age comes wisdom.

Don’t believe a word of it!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Thank you Redskins - icing on my cake!


Thursday, October 02, 2008

How Healthy is Your Liver?


I ask because I propose a drinking game for tonight’s Vice Presidential Debate. I propose that we throw back a shot each time Palin makes a wacky comment.

We will all be blitzed after ten minutes, 15 tops.

Who is with me?

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Ding, Dong the Troll is Almost Gone

Oh happy day! Remember this?

Well her last day is this Friday. The stars aligned and she found another establishment in which to wreak havoc.

Imagine my surprise when a few co-workers asked me what I would be bringing to the pot luck lunch in the Troll’s honor. I explained the lesson my Mother taught me, if you have nothing nice to say, keep quiet. This same platitude rings true for impromptu pot lucks for trolls.

While my office mates will be chowing down with the departing trouble maker, I will proudly display my new found button.


If anyone of you needs one, feel free. I am nothing if not kind. To those who have not annoyed me.