Saturday, February 25, 2006

Must Be a Guy Thing....

These Volkswagen Fast commercials? I just don’t get it.

Anyone care to enlighten me?

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Happy Orange Juice

I cannot remember the exact reason for the event, but while perusing another blog I was reminded of this event. The title of the memory jarring post was Getting Caught or Not.

My friend K was spending the night at my house and we were juniors in high school. We were suffering from some sort of high deal angst and decided to procure some vodka. The stupidity of our methods stuns me to this day. So many things could have gone wrong but the karma must have been right.

After my parents went out for the evening, we drove to the local liquor store. We handed the first person we saw some money and asked them to buy us a fifth of vodka. (As you can tell, idiocy was running rampant that night along with our doldrums) Thankfully, the person who delivered our potion was neither a cop nor someone who would harm us directly. Forget that he was contributing to the delinquency of minors.

We returned home to an evening of screwdrivers. Why screwdrivers? Mainly because it was the beverage of choice at my folks dinner parties, they always called it “happy orange juice” and because I usually helped out with the bartending duties during these events. In other words, I knew how to mix a mean happy orange juice.

Before we knew it, the fifth was gone and we were feeling no pain. Well truth be told, we were feeling nauseous and the house was spinning but we were no longer experiencing the angst that led us there in the first place. K and I thought we were being quite covert as we cleaned up the kitchen of any evidence of the screwdrivers. We knew we were smarter than my parents. We both fell asleep/passed out right before my parents returned.

Death would have been better than the feelings we both had in the morning. At that point, angst sounded so much better than the mammoth hangovers we were sporting. When my mom called us down for breakfast, I was sure we were busted. Although I figured that since they did not come busting into my room upon their return, perhaps our drink fest was not discovered.

We had our game faces on as we entered the kitchen for breakfast. The table was set. All was copasetic. That is until mom placed 2 glasses of OJ in front of us. At that same moment, my dad set the empty vodka bottle on the table.

I have not ingested a screwdriver since…….

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Psychology 101

Which would you rather deal with, a full on aggressive work associate or one who is extremely passive aggressive? Is one easier to deal with over the other? If so why and if not why not?

My personal preference is to deal with the full blown aggressive. For one thing, they are not in control of their actions due to the adrenaline surge. Sure it can be intimidating but it’s amusing to sit back and watch them self destruct while you remain calm and poised. This tactic works well with an aggressor. For their goal is to rattle with their display.

The passive aggressor is certainly more calculating and therefore can do more damage. Generally, the passive aggressor will not confront you directly, rather go over your head and you’ll hear about it from a superior. Depending on how you handle this reprimand/criticism, the passive aggressor will consider the battle won or lost. It has been my experience that passive aggressors thrive on the fall out.

The best lessons I have learned through experience, to not let them know what you’re thinking. It will stop both types in their tracks. It isn’t easy. Especially if you share work space with either or both, but it can be done.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Happy President’s Day

To those of you who get this day off, I am sure you are reflecting on the Presidents who enabled you this holiday.

For the rest of us, back to the salt mines. Yes, I am jealous. We in the medical field generally end up treating those of you with the federal holidays.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Oh the Humanity

Seen while running errands this weekend: man walking his yellow lab who was taking a dump into a plastic bag affixed to the dog’s rear end.

Is this really necessary? Let the poor dog poop in peace, then pick up the deposit and continue with the walk. I would almost suggest not picking up the poop if you are going to humiliate the poor animal with that display. Wait, on second thought, please pick up the poop. Otherwise, the neighborhood will be littered with excrement land mines. Unfortunately, my community has this problem. I really wish my neighborhood had more responsible dog owners. Can’t wait for Spring and all the flies.

Dog owners, be responsible! Leash and pick up after your pet

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Fellow Ebayer All Up in My Grill!

Correct me if I am mistaken. Isn't Ebay an auction site? A site where more than one person bids for an item of interest? This is the norm, isn't it?

Why, then, am I receiving berating e-mails from a co-bidder? Listen lady. This is how it works. If you want the item bad enough, keep bidding. Don't send me repeated e-mails telling me what you think of my bidding prowess.

I really didn't want the item that badly; how can I resist now? Game on. Bring it sister, just keep the bids flying!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Romeo, Where For Art Thou Pants?!?!

For Christmas, I purchased four tickets to the American Ballet Theatre’s production of Romeo and Juliet. It was to be a cultural bonding experience for the females of my family. For those of you keeping track, my mother opted out of this event. Therefore; it was I, both sisters, Brain Surgeon and Selfish Countessa, and my ten year old niece, Little Mermaid. As a side, HFS was in town so she was also introduced to the wonderful world of ballet.

HFS and I met the rest of the gang at the Kennedy Center. Little Mermaid was very excited. If I am not mistaken it was her first professional ballet performance. She has danced and seen The Nutcracker but this was the first professional ballet company offering.

As the lights went down and the dancers appeared on the stage, Little Mermaid visibly flinched in her seat. She immediately leaned over to me and said "Um, they aren’t wearing any PANTS! Where are their pants?" I assured Mermaid that they were wearing tights. She replied, "but I can see EVERYTHING! It wasn’t like this in Nutcracker." By now she has her right arm extended in front of her fingers pointed to the left, shielding her view. "They need longer jackets if they aren’t going to wear pants!" I told her that these were the costumes for this show and she needed to get past this obstacle. She said that she would and lowered her arm and enjoyed the presentation.

In her defense, these young men were well endowed. Their man parts were expertly wrangled leaving nothing to the imagination. Little Mermaid became entranced with the story and in the end forgot about the wardrobe malfunction. HFS declared her love of wrangled man parts.

Oh, to be cultured.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

1/8 Pipe

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you the 2114 Olympic Half Pipe hopeful.

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Yes friends, Little Mermaid is busy practicing her moves. As you can see, currently she is only able to complete the 1/8 pipe. You know what they say, practice, practice practice!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Easier Than Shoveling!

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If You Wear Your Pajamas Inside Out, This is What You'll Get:

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Welcome to the “blizzard” of 2006. Special thanks to Mother Nature who gave us this beautiful tableau on a Sunday. I am guessing all of us can enjoy this without worrying about getting to work. Although there is the shoveling. Always pros and cons to every situation.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I will attempt to build a snow man on my deck. I think it might be easier than shoveling.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Stay Tuned, Regular Schedule of Blogging Imminent

I am going through some changes at work. This keeps me from writing regularly. I am in the middle of a lateral move which has its Pros and Cons. The biggest Pro is that it will be a five mile commute opposite rush hour traffic. The biggest Con is that I will lose my picture window and be placed in a tomb.

Corporate re-shuffles. You gotta love em.

Be back soon. Talk amongst yourselves.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Favorite Super Bowl Commercials

As usual I can never remember the product being advertised and it seemed as thought the commercials were not that memorable this year. I do have two favorites:

1) The commercial featuring Fabio who aged badly on a gondola
2) The caveman who got stomped by an elephant right after he kicked a baby
dinosaur. Karma sucks donkey balls sometimes.

What were your favorites?

Friday, February 03, 2006

Overheard at Work Today...

“That is hilarious without being funny.”

Make up your own scenario. Extra points for creativity.

Thursday, February 02, 2006


(Sing to the Tune of Camp Hill Races)

(I stand corrected, please go back and sing again to the tune of Camptown Races)

Stupid people piss me off
Doo-da, doo-da
Yes indeed they piss me off
Oh de doo-da day

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Dear Health Nut:

I applaud your fitness routine. Jogging in the middle of rush hour traffic is truly an art to behold. Until of course your idiocy causes a chain reaction.

Let me give you a helpful hint. Red hand in the cross walk means DO NOT JOG. From now on, please wait for the white walking figure before you insist on jogging through the intersection. It may keep you from bouncing off the hood of the Honda. I was impressed that you were able to regain your stride once your feet hit the pavement.

I am no expert, but I am pretty sure you should have stopped to give some sort of information to the three vehicles who were involved in the crash due to your negligence