Monday, October 31, 2005

Friday, October 28, 2005

Trip Without Luggage

This morning during our walk, Dexter, my 12 year old golden, proved to me that he is still very young at heart. Lately during his morning constitutional he is only able to saunter around the neighborhood. It comes with age. I have accepted that.

Today we had excitement. For some reason, I changed the schedule around a bit and we took our walk after I had gotten ready for work. My plan was to have our walk then off to work I’d go. Dexter decided to also change our routine. As he rounded the corner he encountered the neighborhood bunny. Today he decided chasing it was in order. The bunny was 18 feet away. How do I know this you may inquire? His leash is exactly 16 feet. When he reached his limit of 16 feet, he turned on the power and succeeded in nipping the bunny in the tail and knocking me down. In the process dragging me 2 feet in the dewy morning grass.

I am extremely proud of my furry kid. However, I would have preferred he perform this feat while I was still in my non-work clothes. Dexter still has it. Now I need to go and remove the blades of grass that are stuck in my teeth and change clothes.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Pasta and Puccini

I found a great way to keep the youngsters away from my office, thus enabling me to be more productive. Play my classical tunes loudly. They claim their ears will bleed if they listen too long.

I will definitely keep this tool handy. Now if you will excuse me, Beethoven is calling my name.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

THAT’S What I’m Talking About

Go Redskins GO!!!

Welcome back Levar. We’ve missed you.

Most points scored by the Skins in I don’t know how many years. ( 1999 maybe?)

Offense and Defense jellin.


Friday, October 21, 2005

Hilarity Ensues

Family gatherings bring out the questionable best, especially with my tribe. October is a very busy celebratory month for us. We have four birthdays and my parent’s wedding anniversary to commemorate. Due to various and sundry schedule snafus we have decided to gather together this Saturday night and rejoice.

It took an entire month to decide on which date we would amass. In my defense, I have the clearest schedule and I defer to those with busy social calendars. Also, I made sure that my sister, the brain surgeon, and I who have a birthday a week and eight years apart did celebrate at the correct time.

Another few weeks passed before a destination could be decided. Finally I asked the younger sister to make a reservation and then send out an e-mail to all parties because we can’t seem to pass along information without details either getting skewed or left out entirely.

Let the grumbling begin:

B-I-L: Who let YS decide where we were going to eat?

Wicked H: She didn’t, BS and I decided.

B-I-L: Well I don’t like that restaurant.

Wicked H: Have you ever been?

B-I-L: No.

Wicked H: Then how do you know you don’t like it?

My Mom: Oh…I have aches and pains. Woe is me.

Wicked H: Does that mean you don’t want to go out to dinner then?

Mom: No, just reminding everyone of my aches and pains.

Dad: Did we find a place where the entrees start at $6.00?

Wicked H: You have fun at McDonald’s Dad, we are going to the restaurant.

Brain Surgeon: Ugh! I am tried of all the whining and bitching. I’ll be at the restaurant, whoever wants to come can and the others can do what they want.

So, hope you all have half as much fun as we might. I am open to any other offer from anyone of you. Someone, please, make me an offer!!!!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Because I Have the Giggles...

Confucius say:

He who eats jelly beans, fart in technicolor

Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don't have film

Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy

Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn

If you not pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

Best I can do first day back from vacation, drowning in work.

Monday, October 17, 2005


They are a contingent. Inseparable. Intrusive as the day is long. You can make many postulates and judgements in a 24-hour period. It’s a full time job for the quartet. It has to be exhausting. They are nothing if not punctual. If you don’t carry a time piece, it won’t be needed in their vicinity.

From the outside, it seems ineffectual, boring. Not for this assemblage. They thrive for the knowledge the rest of us could care less about. Maybe the rest of us have lives, other remunerative items to sustain us.

Carry on sad souls. Conceivably one day the tides will change and your days will pass more exuberantly. Perchance effectually.

Perhaps not.....

Friday, October 14, 2005

Tympany With Taps

If you love classical music and you are a fan of Savion Glover, may I suggest you catch his show “Classical Savion.”

Ninety minutes of classical arrangements complete with rhythmic tap interpretation by Mr. Glover. I didn’t believe the pieces could have been enhanced by his tap dancing but I was definitely wrong. It was nothing less than brilliance. What made the evening even more special was the venue, one I had never visited before tonight, and the company of Little Mermaid and Brain Surgeon.

Happy belated birthday Mermaid and Brain Surgeon. I am kind of glad we didn’t get to celebrate until tonight. I don’t think it could have been any better.

I urge you to catch this show. It was amazing!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

The Art of the Deal

This morning, I was privy to an area of life that I will never experience on my own. It wasn’t part of my destiny. Thankfully I can learn and grow from these deal makers.

In the span of 45 minutes I witnessed complicated debates, compromises, clenched threats and intricate deals spun like Charlotte’s web. It was amazing. Nay mesmerizing. Where was I? The Hill? A courtroom? No. I was shopping for shoes at DSW Warehouse.

In the time it took me to try on and purchase five pairs ( who knew I could be a shopper?) of shoes, the toddler brigade of Northern Virginia tested their respective mother’s within inches of their precious lives. Did you know that a 2.5-year-old little boy can make excellent use of the wadded up pieces of tissue paper that annoys the shoe shopping public? Indeed. Charlie was quite industrious. He turned them into badminton birds and used the molded pieces of plastic (equally irritating) as his and little Eddie’s racquets. Their net was one of the many low rows of shoes, DSW’s trademark layout. Cecilia, who was getting an early start of her disdain for wadded up tissue paper, decided to shred them all into various heaps throughout the store. Joey, stroller-bound literally, was practicing untying and hurling his shoes at his mother. In his defense, he was simply imitating his mom. I mean really.

While I was checking out, I watched the following negotiations:

Charlie: Sentenced to 15 minutes of time out after forfeiting the game and cleaning up his mess.

Little Eddie: Incriminated in the makeshift badminton tourney, lost his trip to McDonald’s.

Cecilia: Guilty of littering, was told that her afternoon play date would be cancelled unless she cease and desist immediately. I watched her also grab a few of the badminton birds left behind by Charlie and Lil Eddie.

Joey: Asked by his mother if he saw anyone else having shoe tantrums? His response was to hit her square in the head with his other shoe.

All this reminded me why I despise shopping. It also gave me a better understanding of the whole Mother’s Day Out schematic. If these ladies can’t get their short reprieves, I am not sure that today’s toddlers would make it into adulthood.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

I saw this sign posted at a place of employment attached to the time clock:

“No Smoking Within the Time Clock!”

Hmmm. Unless this group has an ability to shrink themselves and gain access to the innards of said time clock, I really don’t see it as an issue.


Any thoughts?

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Daintily Dangerous

My older sister attended most of her high school dances. You know the formal ones. She was quite the social butterfly.

This tale is about her first home coming dance. You know I am not a fashionista in any sense of the word so I cannot remember what she wore. I do however remember that her date wore a baby blue tuxedo complete with matching ruffled shirt. I remember this because I had to palpate the shirt, it was that foreign to me. Her date was fun for me even before it started. My father kept asking my sister the name of her date so that he could greet the young man properly as he answered the door. Thirty minutes before Jeff arrived, my father kept repeating his name. My guess was he didn’t want to embarrass my sister or himself once he arrived. Even as he was walking toward the door, he asked one last time. In unison, my sister and I said Jeff.

“Phillip, how wonderful to see you” my father said as he shook the young man’s hand. I also remember my sisters audible groan. Top that off with me massaging the ruffled shirt, I am sure she couldn’t wait to get her date started. Off to dinner and dancing they went. Her curfew was reviewed several times in the few minutes it took them to rush out the door.

Later when she returned, mom and I were waiting in her bedroom. We wanted all the details! The ones she would share. It was odd that she never mentioned how dinner was she jumped right into the details of the dance. Finally, mom asked her about dinner. My sister turned the deepest shade of red. She quickly said it was fine and started to get ready for bed. Mom kept inquiring and my sister eventually told us what happened at dinner.

It turns out that in her attempt at being dainty while eating her salad, the date took a wrong turn. The cherry tomato that she bit in half while perched on her front teeth, made a very interesting pattern of juice and seeds on Jeff’s ruffled shirt. She said she was mortified. It took forever for him to return to the table and the stain did not look any better, in fact it was worse.

My sister was not amused by the amount of laughter emanating from my mom and me. She kicked us out of her room and slammed the door.

We have since referred to the story as attack of the killer cherry tomato.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Dear Northern Virginia Commuters:

We have been spoiled with a drought all summer and early Fall, that is no excuse to forget how to drive in the rain. Come on folks, we are better than the raindrops.

In case you have forgotten, let me give you a quick refresher course:

Traction is compromised when the roads are wet, keep some distance.

Jersey walls tend to have puddles at their bases. If you cannot compensate for that, choose an alternate lane to drive in.

Applying make up, reading the Post, programming your palm pilot are all unacceptable generally but FORBIDDEN in the rain.

These are but a few indiscretions that I witnessed while driving to work today. You have a full weekend of rain to practice your safe driving skills.

Make me proud!!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign

Sent to me via e-mail, always one to share.......


A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused, then on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man, who was about 20
years old, what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said: "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said: "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile! Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "Williams Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"? I just lost it."


Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Middle Ages

Today I am celebrating the 18th anniversary of my 25th birthday. You do the math. I already know the answer.

I am quite comfortable with the number. Once I hit 40, the numbers lost their daunting prowess. Of course when I was much younger, I imagined my life to be at a different stage by now. No matter, I have learned to go with the flow.

Other things I’ve learned:

*Simple pleasures are what make me tick, and I never take them for granted.

*I have no tolerance for drama or BS, for the most part I have eliminated them from my life.

*Any day that I have a conversation with my niece is a fantastic day.

*There are times that you don’t necessarily like each member of your family but you always love them.

I’ll leave you with a couple favorite birthday quotes:

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
- Bernard M. Baruch
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
- Ogden Nash
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip!
- Unknown

Monday, October 03, 2005

How Not to Make Friends and Influence People

The other night I had to pick up my parents from Reagan National Airport. My Father didn’t want to inconvenience me, so he told me to just drive up to the arrivals sidewalk and they would hop into to the car.

There were several flaws with his suggestion. First of all they are 80 years old, there is no hopping into anything. Secondly, they were returning from overseas. The possibility of their flight arriving on time AND my Father predicting what time they’d be on the sidewalk was impossible. Thirdly, we are in the post 911 era. You can not casually keep circling the arrivals area without causing a ruckus.

I tried to be the dutiful daughter. After my third pass of the arrivals area, 2 of the officers actually blocked my passage and sternly suggested I utilize the parking garage and go in and wait for my parental units. I told them I completely agreed with their advice and off I went to park my car.

Take it from me friends, just don’t listen to your folks. Park the car and wait for them inside. It will save you much hassle.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Make It Stop

For some reason I have this French nursery rhyme stuck in my head.


All: Alouette, gentille alouette. Alouette, je te plumerai.

Leader: Je te plumerai la tete
All: Je te plumerai la tete
Leader: Et la tete
All: Et la tete
Leader: Alouette
All: Alouette oh, oh, oh, oh Alouette, gentille alouette. Alouette, je te plumerai.

Leader: Je te plumerai les yeux.
All: Je te plumerai les yeux
Leader: Et les yeux
All: Et les yeux, et la tete
Leader: Alouette
All: Alouette oh, oh, oh, oh Alouette, gentille alouette. Alouette, je te plumerai

I learned it as a child while living in Montreal. I cannot get rid of it.

Oh well, there are worse things to get stuck on I suppose. I am happy to share.