Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Dear Chain Smoker:

How very odd, in so many way.

First of all, what made you choose our parking lot an obvious place of healing to enact your morning routine? The first time I noticed you out there, I figured you were either lost or early for an appointment and you decided to smoke one before you found your way. However, it has become a habit for you. You park right in front of our conference room picture window where we are sharing our morning chatter. I didn’t even have to point out your activities, they are so distracting, and the whole office enjoyed the spectacle.

Exit your vehicle. Light one up. Puff and spit. Puff and spit. Reach the end of your first cigarette and reach into the passenger side of your running vehicle, grab another one and use the stub to light the new one. Puff and spit. Puff and spit. Rinse, lather repeat. Enter your vehicle, pull out of our parking lot and turn not 100 yards into your parking lot.

Now, I know the spitting thing is definitely a man's thing. How on earth did you master the skill? How very lady like. NOT. Why don’t you simply smoke in front of your own office building? Are you trying to hide your nicotine addiction? Do you return for each smoke break? If not, how do you get through the day?

We have decided to look out for you throughout the day. We are that concerned for your well being. We may even leave nicotine patches or gum out there where you usually park. If nothing else, we’d be happy to take care of your health once the cigarettes erode it.

Hugs and Kisses….

8 comments:

wallofdenial said...

perhaps she has been condemed for spitting at her office building?

Or maybe just gross

Maybe it is some sort of mating ritual for her species

Is she trying to attract a mate?

Maybe the spitting is a mating call.

Wicked H said...

Dave: Really? Mating ritual? I really don't want to have to take up smoking and spitting to increase my chances of finding a mate. I'll remain happily single...

Kukka-Maria said...

Classic closet smoker! The only thing that would make the show better is if she were to go through the trouble of changing her entire outfit so she didn't carry residual smoke with her into her office building!

You guys should take paparazzi-like photos and mail them to her at her office to freak her out! No message...just photos of her smoking in a plain envelope.

Wicked H said...

Kukka-Maria: A most excellent suggestion, consider it done.

HotForSimon said...

Or put a no smoking sign where she is parking...LOL.

I like the picture thing though...

how very odd though...????

priscilla grim said...

smokers deserve fresh air as much as you....

maybe she is going through a stressful time....

shame on you.

Wicked H said...

PG: Perhaps she is....I feel no shame however.

Judas said...

Yes I hate that too.