Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Note to Self

When attempting to have witty repartee with someone, make sure that they are both witty and capable of repartee. Otherwise you will be faced with a situation where too much information is exchanged.

Case in point: I know a young man who has dread locks alternately every 2 days. Today, in passing, I jokingly asked him if he was an impatient man. He didn’t understand my question. I remarked that I wouldn’t have the patience to have my hair braided every 2 days. What followed was the following tangent, very seriously delivered:

Dread Lock Man (DLM): I used to be a barber.

Wicked H: Okay.

DLM: And many barbers do not clean their shears. I have seen many men end up with nasty bumps at their base of their necks. You know dermatology bumps.

Wicked H: Blink, blink.

DLM: So I will never cut my hair again.

Wicked H: …….

DLM: I saw one man with a third head on the back of his neck. And that is NASTY!

Wicked H: So you have your hair braided one day and then undone the next because?

DLM: I don’t want a third head on my neck.

Wicked H: I’m glad you cleared that up.

I’m sorry I asked. Next time I will make sure the conversation will be at a level we both can enjoy. Helpful Hints from Wicked H.


gareth said...

No smart-ass comeback?? You must be really feeling the stress at work...........

Wicked H said...

I wasn't dealing with a level that would have understood my comeback. I opted to let it go. The whole conversation lost its appeal.

Stress definitely played a role....

gareth said...

"I wasn't dealing with a level that would have understood my comeback"

Does that always stop you???

Wicked H said...

It will stop me if the other party would take the comeback in a personal rather than comedic way. My intent was to have a joint laugh instead of hurting his feelings.

HotForSimon said...

A third HEAD on the back of his neck??

Someone call Ripleys....

Wicked H said...

HFS: What made the "third head" part of the story so funny were the exaggerated hand gestures while pointing to his neck. It makes me snort out loud just recalling it.

One headed former barber said...

This story begs a few questions:

Philosophical: If alone in the woods - is one still witty?

Physiological: Why is the bump a third head? Did he already have a second one on his original one?

Hair maintenance: Ok, let's assume barbers don't clean their sheers. And that unclean sheers do cause bumps (that potentially can grow into new heads). I still want to know what braiding and unbraiding ever 2 days does and if he is a patient person or not.

Wicked H - please let me know.

Wicked H said...

Dearest Former Barber:

I will attempt to address your concerns. First of all, it is my belief that one is either witty or not. Therefore, if I were alone in the woods I would continue to be witty. The fact that there would be no witneses makes me very sad. Why the third head VS second head? Well when DLM was acting out his answers he intimated that his second head was located in the nether regions leading us to the natural reason for naming the additional head the third one. I could ask for clarification at the risk of sexual harassment. I too remain unclear as to why he had the hair re-braided every 2 days. A logical guess, he may have the hots for his stylist. He did state that due to the whole unhygienic shear situation that he would NEVER cut his hair again. I told him that I am looking forward to the Milli Vanilli look. I will have to assume that he is very patient or very attracted to the hot stylist. Why else would someone endure that process every other day?

Former Barber, I cannot remember the last time I snorted out loud while reading a comment. For that I am eternally grateful.

HotForSimon said...


and for the record, this word verification thing is very hard this early in the AM....LOL

rG said...

Oy! Wicked H -- first time reader here -- but thank you for warning us about dreadlock men in the world.

Love the site.

Nutcracker Sweet 54 said...

Hey Wicked, maybe he has hair extensions, thus makinng the braiding every other day thing alot easier....just a thought. Now a 3rd head.....I don't know about that one.

Dave said...

Maybe you should ask him if they really cut off his first head, and the one he still has IS the third head! LOL