Monday, November 28, 2005

Warm and Fuzzy…Not

My Dad, who is an accomplished psychiatrist, loves to use his trade’s labels on anyone he comes in contact with, not excluding family. I am here to assure everyone those 43 years of subliminal psychotherapy have their pros and cons. He had to try his methods out on someone, enter the middle kid. Hi! My name is Wicked H.

After a particularly trying time in my life, Dad told me that he hoped that I would never end up in any type of program that involved a 12 step recovery phase. You see, I don’t fall for that methodology. What gives me comfort is that I don’t currently have an addictive personality which might lead me down such a path. Knock on wood; of course one cannot predict the future, so far so good.

Recently at work, we had a training session which involved upgrading a computer system. Like most people, the staff does not like change. Nothing earth shattering but a definite change in the way information is processed. Basically if one was avoiding any contact with a computer, they would have a huge adjustment to the new system. The trainer, a very upbeat cheer-leaderesque person, handed out a “goodie” bag at the end of the session.

It did not do much for me in the way of motivation but I thought I’d share it with you:

The contents of this bag are to assist you in the great interactions you have with people everyday. You should always be reminded how great you are and all the great things you do!

Rubber Band – A reminder to stay flexible.
Paper Clip – To help you hold things together.
Eraser – To remind you everyday is a clean slate.
Kiss – To remind you we all need hugs and kisses.
Candle – To remind you to share the light with others.
Band Aid – For healing hurt feelings.
Smile Sticker – Smiles increase the face value. It’s outrageous!
Mesh Sponge – For the rough road ahead – seek support of family.
Sweet and Sour Candy – To help accept and appreciate the difference in others.
Lifesaver – To remind you of the many times others need our help and that you need theirs.
Ice Cube – To keep your cool.

As I looked around the room, I saw that may 45% of the group saw the value in this prize. Me? I took out the chocolate, hard candy and the mesh sponge and threw the rest away.

Just for shits and giggles, I showed the handout to my Dad. After he finished reading it he asked how long it took me to trash it.

The man knows his stuff.


sophie said...

Yeah, I'm not so much for that kind of motivational stuff either. I feel the same way about "team-building" exercises. Just act like adults, do your jobs, treat others with respect--not so complicated.

HotForSimon said...

Remind me NOT to print that out for MY's exactly the thing she lives for.


I've got a great's called my foot up your ass. ((LOL))

Wicked H said...

Motivators, schmotivators.

If the masses really need the warm and fuzzy ice cube life saver bullshit, we are in a sad state of affairs.

Get your project, complete it , feel good about it and repeat. Glad to know I am not the only one who feels this way. Thanks Sophie and HFS.

RP said...

Can you believe they get paid real money to come up with nonsense like that?

Weary Hag said...

I'm completely dying over here. This post is PRECIOUS. Go psychiatrist dad!!

And go YOU for having the good sense to separate yourself from these items in swift fashion.

We just got a catalog in the mail called "Demotivation." Ed and I sat hilariously laughing at each brilliant "answer" poster to all those pathetic motivational posters.

For a mere $15 I could have brought into my old job any one of these gems and solved half the problems of the existing workforce there.

I love your posts!

Wicked H said...

RP: Great to see you back here.

Haggie: More money would be about the only true thing that would make me warmer and thus lead to more libations leading to fuzzier...

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