Friday, August 27, 2004

Bruno's Wild Adventure

Back to more on my Spring Break story, told you it would generate more than one post.

You may remember that we drove the 22 plus hours down to the Keys, a pretty exhausting trip even in your early 20's. We settled into our hotel, procured our groceries for the week with each meal expertly planned by my older sister and then we began the process of relaxing. If I remember correctly we just hung out by the pool until it was time to turn in. It was our version of recovering from the long ride.

As expected we turned in early that night. I was probably asleep before my head even hit the pillow. I was looking forward to sleeping in. I had no agenda other than catching some rays, reading a couple of good trashy novels and lots and lots of relaxation. I was on vacation dammit!

Around 3 am my sister shakes me awake. She is in complete panic mode. She tells me between gasps of breath that I need to drive her to a gas station so she can go to the bathroom. HUH?!?!? I told her she was crazy and that if she took 5 steps to the right that she could use the facilities IN OUR ROOM!!! I am trying to sleep here. She is now on my bed pacing back and forth. She is ranting uncontrollably about something; it takes me a long while to wake up even in the best of circumstances. I sit up and try to understand the situation. While wringing her hands she is giving me the details of how she has secured the bathroom and that it is not fit for use, I must take her to a gas station pronto. Still sleep sitting, I reminded her that if she truly could not use our bathroom then the keys to the car were in my purse, have at it. I then got back under the covers and went back to sleep.

In the morning I wake up to a muffled SCREAM. WTF? I get out of bed and find my sister is on top of one of the dining room chairs almost in tears. Tina comes out of the bathroom obviously refreshed and ready to start her vacation. Why shouldn't she? She slept all night! So we calm my sister down long enough to get her off the chair and begin to tackle her problem. My sister is interrogating Tina about the note she left on the bathroom door clearly stating DO NOT ENTER. Tina said she saw the note but needed to use the facilities.

All of us have fears. I don't particularly care for mice or snakes. Yes, I will admit that I jump up on a chair and scream like a girl at the site of a mouse. I know they are just as afraid of me as I am of them but it is one of my weaknesses. My sister is deathly afraid of spiders and roaches. Turns out that when she went into the bathroom at 3 am she came face to face with a rather large roach. I think they are called palmetto bugs, they are huge. So my sister grabbed all the towels in the room and stuffed them into every crevice she could think of to keep Bruno (she named him) securely in the bathroom. Hence the second panic attack when she awoke to find all the towels removed from the frame of the bathroom door and Tina calmly emerging.

We eventually reassured my sister; she came down off the chair. Tina and I vowed to exterminate any future Brunos should they appear. We made a compromise; we would give my sister the all clear before letting her go into the bathroom from that point on if she would refrain from using the facilities at 3 am.

The rest of the week went well. FYI, for any of you preparing to travel to the land of palmetto bugs, Bruno was caught in the bottom of a juice glass. Tina forgot to rinse out her OJ glass and we found Bruno in the bottom of the glass getting his daily dose of vitamins. Fearless Tina took him outside and stomped on him. I will never forget that crunching sound.


Anonymous said...

Bruno was our friend. He didn't do anything to hurt your sister. A bug using the bathroom - how much more civilized can one be? We aren't going to take this lying down. Tell your sister we are coming for her.

The Bugs

HotForSimon said...

OH shit.

The bugs are coming.

This isn't going to be pretty.

You would think they would forget after all this time, ya know??? You just had to go and blog about it and now Bruno's great great...great? grandchildren are going to avenge his death.


Wicked H said...

Dear Bugs:

Although I understand your familial ties, I would like to ask forgiveness on behalf of my sister. This all happened over 20 years ago. I can pretty much guarantee you that since that ordeal, anytime she has seen one of your relatives she sprints in the opposite direction. That is the degree of her terror. She certainly does not have the courage to mame or kill. Now, may I re-direct your anger towards Tina? She is the actual cuplrit.

What can I say? Blood is thicker than friendship.

Anonymous said...

Great story Whicked H...I laughed my head off while trying to dictate charts....people in the next cubicle came over to see what the problem was...whoops:)...Nutcracker #54