Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Popeye, Schmopeye!!

My Parents will be the first to tell you, or anyone else who will commiserate, that I am responsible for most of the gray hairs they have developed since my birth. I am going to blame some of my actions on the pecking order; the middle kid is supposed to test the boundaries. That is my story and I am sticking to it. Besides the other 2 siblings were eager to please. I was eager to push buttons.

When I was a child, the rule during dinner was if it made it onto your plate it must be consumed. This rule does not apply to and Grandchildren I have noticed as my niece is 9 years old and has yet to sample a vegetable. I will discuss that another time.

One night the dreaded cooked, gross spinach made it onto my plate before I knew what was happening. If I was not running my mouth during the doling of food I could have vetoed the spinach but as per usual I was discussing my day with my Dad. Dinnertime was when we all caught up with each other. (Translated: when all the bad things Wicked did during the day were rehashed)

So I am still at the dinner table while my Mom is doing the dishes. The already gross, wretched spinach is now cold and even more unappetizing. What to do? I started praying for a dog to materialize but that didn’t work. I continued to push the spinach from one side of the plate to the other hoping that my Mom would hurry up and finish the dishes and leave the kitchen. You think it was a coincidence that she decided that night would be the perfect time to polish all the cabinets in the kitchen? I think not.

After about the 47th "look" from my Mom. I came up with a brainstorm. While she was on top of the stool polishing the cabinet above the refrigerator, I dashed out of the kitchen to the hall closet. My Dad keeps his shoes in the boxes they came in. So I quickly grabbed a box emptied it of its worn shoes and ran back into the kitchen. As I was scooping my spinach into the box my Mom turned around.

Mom: WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING? (Complete with clenched jaw)

Wicked: Um.....I am really full. So I decided to mail this spinach to those starving kids in India because they need to make their muscles strong like Popeye. My muscles are already strong....see? (Showing Mom my bicep)

Mom: (still with the clenched jaw) Sit down and eat that spinach from that box! And if you gag or vomit, you will eat that TOO!!!!

Wicked: GULP!!

From that point on I made sure that when the food was being doled out onto my plate, I was paying attention. I can tell you that I avoided spinach from that day forward. Once you have eaten cold, slimy, gross spinach seasoned with your Dad’s feet, it will turn you off FOREVER


Cat said...

Oh, EW. Reminds me of the time my sister spit her dreaded Toasty Cheese Bake casserole into a cup and smuggled it into our bedroom, stuck it in the closet behind MY clothes, and immediately forgot of its existence. Until it forcibly reminded us of its presence. There are no words for the Ick Factor that cup had going on, I kid you not! NO WORDS.

Joe said...

We are totally twins. Your spinach story is so reminiscent of my childhood.

One time at a dinner type BBQ, my dad was making Macaroni salad. You know that cold pasta salad with like tuna fish in it? BLECH. Even writing about it makes my stomach clench.

In any case, I made the following comment: "Sick! Who even LIKES disgusting Macaroni Salad?!"

My dad took the bowl of macaroni salad, stuck a fork in it and sat it in front of me. We all sat there for two hours until I finished every bite. I've never had a worse dinner experience in my life. And I was a FAT kid and so in the mood for a cheeseburger. But that night, I had my lifetime fill of cold pasta salad.

Parents...if only they knew what they were REALLY doing to our mindset. Mine have essentially RUINED cold pasta salads for me as I'm sure you will never eat a bite of spinach again.

Odd thing parents joke about it to this day and I always laugh with them, secretly plotting for the time when I cook dinner and force MY dad to eat every bite of brussel sprouts covered in every kind of spice I can find in my cabinets.

Have an awesome weekend my dear sweet Wicked!

Wicked H said...

I knew I had a twin!! I am SO glad it is you JOE!!!!

I promise to never serve or even speak of cold pasta salads. Deal!

You have a fabulous weekend as well.

Anonymous said...

Your niece did sample veggies when her mom was in Turkey. She being creative like you, said I have to go to the bathroom, then ran and spit them on a piece of styrofoam which she hid under her bed. After failing to find the veggies in the toilet I finally found them while vacuming, petrified under the bed. She has you Genes.

Anonymous said...

Yup, that's my baby girl, just like her aunt, she's creative with hiding her uneaten vegis :) nutcracker sweet 54