Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Let’s Say It Together Gang......DILDO-CAM

Laughter is the best medicine so they say. May I suggest grabbing a new pair of Depends and reading on?

Imagine finding yourself at the local radiology place supine on the exam table with the oh so lovely and ill-fitting cloth (it could have been paper - there is a GOD) gown. A very serious ultrasound tech comes in, introduces herself, proceeds to pull up the gown; places warmed gel on your belly and waves her magic wand and stares intently at her monitor. I asked "how do you guys keep us from peeing all over your table" she replied "with threats of probes and such." OKIE DOKIE then. So 3 minutes later her magic wand stops she lets me sit up and asks me to go empty my bladder and return to the room. So I do. What I find when I return is the table's stirrups are now pulled out and she wants me to lay back down put my feet up in said stirrups and scooch down to the edge of the table. Just for the record I DID NOT PEE ON THE EXAM TABLE. Okay, so there I am. Out comes DILDO -CAM. I kid you not! A probe with what resembles a price check scanner on its very tip and the whole thing is housed in its OSHA approved plastic sheath. Well I now feel a hell of a lot better, don't you? Said probe is now being inserted inside me. I usually have established some type of intimate trust before I allow things to go so far with acquaintances; at least a few dinners and many hours of conversation.

Serious Tech is glued to her monitor while navigating DILDO-CAM about. I nervously ask if she will tell me what she finds. She stops what she is doing and tells me that as soon as she is done, she will reveal to me what she sees. How can I describe how this all felt, let me just say that if the thing vibrated I personally would not have an issue with increased health insurance premiums. Unfortunately, it didn't vibrate and furthermore...EEEWWWWWWWW.

I won't go into the sordid details of findings. Things could have been better as well as being much worse. So you Men out there, consider yourselves quite lucky for at the moment there is no equal technology for your private parts but don't think I haven't hired a Nazi Female Scientist to start the research pronto!!!

5 comments:

HotForSimon said...

My 86 yr old great grandmother had to have that done...imagine hearing that from HER!!! ((LMAO))

Look at this...your third day of blogging and already you are talking about dildos...I love it!!

Wicked H said...

Who Knew???

My Father would be so proud. SNORT!

Michael said...

Well, lover, you never had a female doctor do a DRE on your prostate as you stood in the most embarrassing position possible while the female digit went deeper and deeper. At least women have the possibility of a teeny, tiny orgasm. But guys? Just try something funny, and you're 90 days in jail! :)

Wicked H said...

Ok Michael, I'll let you have that one.....

HotForSimon said...

Lover?? Is there something the two of you feel the need to share with the rest of us??