I Frenzy? No Thanks!

I don’t get it. I’ll admit to being technologically challenged. I don’t understand why all you techies want to go out and make a substantial purchase when you know it will have major glitches and the like? Is it so you can be one of the first? One of the first who will undoubtedly complain of it’s short comings.

First generation anything is flawed. Even my non-tech self knows that.

Those of you who have one, enjoy!

Whatever. I’ll be on the deck enjoying the weather and more than a few martinis.

Have a great weekend!!

Life is a Beach!!

Little Smelly has learned quickly that if you want to hang with the
Wicked Family, you must learn the rules of the Beach.

1) Relaxation; she takes it one step further with this cool infant
tent deal.
2) Proper attire; check!
3) Liquor; although she is only able to consume 2 beers during each
outing, she is on the right track.

We wait until age 4 when she will have a good grasp on her sippy cup until we introduce her to margaritas!

Inaugural Summer Solstice Celebration

I honestly cannot think of a better way to ring in the summer other than enjoying a gourmet picnic dinner complete with wine on a perfectly breezy, non-oppressively hot night with a few thousand other Harry Connick, Jr fans. Last night Brain Surgeon and I attended the concert at one of my all time favorite venues, Wolf Trap™.

I am way past the point of being able to enjoy a concert on the lawn. However, we always have our picnic on the lawn and then go find our seats in the pavilion and have a good time. Of course no outing is complete without humorous observations of the gathering public, here are the highlights:

Red Wagon Lady: We were standing in the short line to retrieve our pre-paid picnic dinner and along comes this woman with a little red wagon. She was asked what she was going to do with the wagon and she reported that she was there to pick up 100 dinners. Why she felt that she was privileged enough to go to the head of the line to gather her dinners, is beyond me. However it was more than amusing to watch her try to juggle all those meals. It did not go well for her. She very well may still be trying to figure out the logistics this many hours later.

Family Unit Next to Us: We made our little camp on a hillside under a tree and proceeded to take in the surroundings. A young family set up next to us, a husband and wife, their 4 year old son and infant child. This may have been their first outing since the infant was born and they were rather unorganized. They had their food, wine and picnic materials but they left their corkscrew and knife needed to slice up their cheese in the car. Why do I know this? The Father was explaining that to his son while the Mother was tending to the infant. Wicked Sisters to the rescue; I quietly handed him our corkscrew and knife. Crisis averted.

Turquoise Cowgirl: In front of us we had a group of twenty-somethings. They were clearly Wolf Trap™ regulars. We could tell due to the organization of their food items. The Cowgirl brought one of those collapsible camping chairs; a good idea although we were on a rather steep decline. I can tell you that I was more than a bit disappointed that I was unable to watch the chair collapse as soon as she tried to sit on it.

Once we were done dining, we packed up our camp and headed for our seats. The deluge began right at that moment. Again, the seasoned attendees were prepared. All other were SOL. The concert itself was fantastic. A very mixed crowd of people, they all enjoyed themselves.

We decided that each summer solstice needs to be celebrated accordingly. Hope you all made a special time of it. Have a great weekend!

Hind Site, Always 20/20

Note to self. Next time there is a co-workers send off to take place at a Japanese Steak House on the hottest day of the year, bring some type of ice pack to keep yourself cool. I found out the hard way that menopausal women and open air hibachis do not mix.

Besides that, I am glad we gathered for our now big deal Radiology Tech. I got to know him very well over the course of the past five years. We really formed a tight bond when we were stuck in my office for a whole weekend putting together office furniture which came in at least 800 pieces. Fun times, eh “P?”

Even during times when he did not know he was going to make it through Radiology Tech School, the rest of us had no doubts he would see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will most certainly miss his razor sharp humor and his limitless kindness.

Good luck “P.” If I ever break my hip, I will get my pelvis right down to Texas and have you take the pictures.

The Silent Wolf Whistle

Today our usual group went out to lunch. I really enjoy this bunch of women; we have a variety of ages and backgrounds. Never a dull moment with these gals; we are generally snorting our food from all the laughter.

As we were leaving our favorite establishment, we noticed that not only were we the only group of women present we also were drawing all the attention from the rest of the patrons. I mean when they all stopped chewing to watch us leave, we must have been a site for sore eyes.

Sometimes the silent wolf whistle is really good for a girl’s ego.

Dear Mary Kay Master's Class Makeup Artist:

It has indeed been educational watching you park parallel in front of my office window each morning at 7:40 AM.

After witnessing your primping ritual, I thank the heavens for remaining a low maintenance woman. Seriously Lady, eight layers of makeup is overkill. I am impressed with your unwavering concentration; however. You seem oblivious to our patient’s glaring and sometimes honking at you. You may not have noticed that the parking spaces are drawn to be pulled into. Your placement is wiping out at least four prime parking slots. Our patient’s don’t feel well; they don’t want to walk the extra steps just so you can look impeccable.

I am also so very intrigued by the fact that once you are done, you put your car back into gear and drive across the street and park in front of your workplace. I am guessing that the powers that be at your job would frown on this behavior.

In any case, if I ever need to apply 8 layers of makeup, I now know exactly what to do. I will tap on your window and ask that you give me a make over.

Hugs and Kisses - Wicked

Only in Baltimore

I doubt pretty highly that any other city could host such an event. Having been born in Baltimore, I am proud(?) to admit that I totally understand why this gathering happens. I have added it to my “ to do” list. If I had only known it was happening this weekend.

I really need to be more organized. Instead I will enjoy my extreme bonding time with my favorite niece and her furry brother. We will also find time to include the newest addition to the brood. Must start the infant set at an early age.

I leave you with the DicsHONary. Study up because there will be a quiz.

Enjoy your weekend!!

The Wisdom of Steven Wright

“They tell you practice makes perfect. Then they tell you no one is perfect. So, I stopped practicing.”

“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”

“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”

“It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.”

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”

If you have favorite quotes from him, let me hear them. If you have tickets to see him Friday night at the Warner Theatre, perhaps I’ll see you there.

Ride the Painted Pony, Make the Spinning Wheel Spin

The Tournament Parade is still in progress. I can say that under normal circumstances life would be more difficult. Since I tend to stray from anything normal, it is only slightly amusing to sit back and watch it unfold. When it's time, I will divulge.

Today I had an interesting exchange with Maternal Countessa. She and I have not been close since 2000. Prior to that we were quite close. Times change, events alter lives, whatever.

Today I was called upon to offer my sisterly advice. I can definitely guarantee that MC has not asked for my advice since 2000. The details are not important. What struck me was that we spent 40 minutes on the phone laughing, exchanging ideas, listening to one another and making future plans.

Maybe becoming a Mother has changed her for the better. It doesn’t matter, I will enjoy this closeness as long as it lasts. I quite enjoy having 2 sisters, again

Tournament of Neurosis Parade

This is as much detail as I can go into. If you have healthy imaginations, I suggest you use them.

Many strange happenings in my corner of the world; I am satisfied to just sit back and see how it all unfolds. I’ve been through similar scenarios before so I find that to be a slight advantage. I always seem to fall on my feet in the end. Que sera, sera.

Buckle up friends, it is proving to be a bumpy ride.

Code Orange!!!

I am not talking weather, either.

I took Brain Surgeon to Dulles today. She is headed to a big deal BS Conference in the Motherland. It’s not bad enough that the woman operates on brains but then she goes and shows off by taking an International trip to attend a big-league conference and surprise our Parents and relatives. Whatever!!!

I dropped BS off at the departure section and by the time I parked my vehicle and returned to the terminal, there was a full Code Orange Alert being announced. I first thought, wow that’s nice of the folks at Dulles to let us know how toxic the air outside is. Then I listened closer. A tabby cat had escaped it’s crate and was now loose inside Dulles International. To make this story even better, the cat escaped right in front of BS. Did she even bother to help? Nope. If it’s not brain surgery, she doesn’t have the time.

Anyhoo, I hope the tabby was found. I am not much of a cat person. Mainly because of allergies. However, if my pet was running loose inside ( hopefully) an airport, I am sure I would lose my shit right there in front of God and everyone.

I have performed my kindred duty by making sure BS got past the TSA check point and alerted the rest of the family in the US of A of her progression. So if you will excuse me, I have a very cold Corona waiting to be consumed on my deck.

This just in, a black and white kitty cat has adopted my deck as it’s second home.

Great! Achoo!



Hey CEO, I know Holmes cannot be replaced - NO WAY. But if you are in the adopting mood, let me know.

When I Grow Older, I Shall Try this While Wearing My Purple Hat

Much Older Wicked (MOW): Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

MOW: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

MOW: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

MOW: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...can I see your vehicle registration papers please?

MOW: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

MOW: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

MOW: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

MOW: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please? The woman
steps out of her vehicle.

MOW: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner.

MOW: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing, but an empty trunk

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

MOW: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite
stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it
to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
owner.

MOW: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

The Bashful Cousins

Can you imagine what fun will be had when Sous Chef Mermaid unleashes all her wisdom unto Smelly?

I can’t wait!!!

Memorial Day Weekend

Eyes Wide Open, the American Friends Service Committee’s widely-acclaimed exhibition on the human cost of the Iraq War, features a pair of boots honoring each U.S. military casualty, a field of shoes and a Wall of Remembrance to memorialize the Iraqis killed in the conflict, and a multimedia display exploring the history, cost and consequences of the war.

On this weekend of rememberence, I urge you to take a look at this. It's haunting.

To our troops abroad and in the USA, we love and support you. We are proud of each and every one of you. We wish you a safe and quick return home.

Medical Tenancy 201

Oh poor Foot and Ankle Boy. I was pretty sure we’d gone over the rules of tenancy. Obviously, you weren't paying attention.

I heard a ruckus in our office today. I followed the noise to our reception area. Much to my surprise, I had the displeasure of witnessing our (cough) beloved tenant having a complete meltdown. Right there in front of our waiting patients. It seems Foot and Ankle Boy’s feathers got ruffled because he was unable to surf our internet. He was also agitated because our main copier/printer/wonder gadget was out of commission. Guess what? We were able to overcome the copier obstacle by writing down any information vital to our needs and carry on. All that and we don’t even have extra letters behind our names. Can you imagine??

We collectively tried to explain to him that the IT Gods have barred all of us from surfing. We are now forced to be 100% productive while on the clock. Believe it or not, we have never been this fruitful. Of course since Foot and Ankle Boy is above the rest of us, he demanded that we give him the magic password for surfing privileges.

Okay. I agree that proclaiming “DUH!” was more than a bit unprofessional; however the resulting arm flapping was SO worth it. An even better reaction was elicited when we collectively walked away from him mid-tirade. The crowning moment occurred when the Administrator made a very timely visit and clipped the Boy’s wings.

She reminded him that if his needs surpassed what were originally agreed to, he was more than welcome to pay for our staff’s services. Another option given to him was to bring his own computer, copier and whatever other machine and or human he needed to survive in our location. Thirdly, he was reminded that if he could find another office with accommodations such as ours complete with reasonable rent, he was more than welcome to be successful elsewhere.

Oh! SNAP!!

The rest of the day was so very pleasant. Not a peep from Foot and Ankle Boy. Any guesses as to what he will do next? Supply his own equipment and staff or pack up and leave. We have a pool going, let me know if you want in.

My Kidney for a Tank?

Seriously. This petrol pricing thing has gotten way out of control. I know we are all feeling the pain at the pumps. I figured you all would enjoy the new signs appearing soon at your favorite gas station.



Seems fitting.

Precious Commodities

Internets, you never fail me. Thanks for the jokes, limericks, links, etc. Some of you have a sick sense of humor and this is why I love you!

Between you all and these 2, I am trying to refocus.



Hope all of you had a restorative weekend as well.....

Ipso Facto

The weather is quite nice in my part of the world and work is status quo.

Between the death of an Uncle and trying to help a good friend deal with the fact that her young nephew is battling a brain tumor, I am uninspired.

I am appealing to you, Internets. Make me smile. I know I can count on you!

Sad, But So True.....

Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful & Psycho


Be prepared AND very afraid!!!

Honor Your Mothers

There are times when only a Mother's love
Can understand our tears,
Can soothe our disappoints
And calm all of our fears.

There are times when only a Mother's love
Can share the joy we feel
When something we've dreamed about
Quite suddenly is real.

There are times when only a Mother's faith
Can help us on life's way
And inspire in us the confidence
We need from day to day.

For a Mother's heart and a Mother's faith
And a Mother's steadfast love
Were fashioned by the Angels
And sent from God above.

~Author Unknown~


Wishing all the Moms out there a day filled with pampering and happiness. Enjoy it while it lasts!!