When I Grow Older, I Shall Try this While Wearing My Purple Hat

Much Older Wicked (MOW): Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

MOW: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

MOW: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

MOW: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...can I see your vehicle registration papers please?

MOW: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

MOW: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

MOW: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

MOW: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls
for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly
approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please? The woman
steps out of her vehicle.

MOW: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and
murdered the owner.

MOW: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing, but an empty trunk

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

MOW: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite
stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it
to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the
owner.

MOW: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.