Tuesday, December 20, 2005

This Greeting Has Been Cleared by My Attorney

(A little something in the continuing vain of political correctness)

From me ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee") please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:-

This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.

This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.

This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.

This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.

This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. Any references in this greeting to "The Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Savior", "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer" or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

This greeting is made under United States Law.

Dated this 20th day of December two thousand and five.

12 comments:

Defiant Symmetry said...

That's funny!

KOB said...

brilliant -- lol

Homo Insapiens said...

Your heartfelt seasonal thoughts have been received by our client, hereinafter known as the 'greetee'. Said missive was printed with suitable happiness and all due care. Please be advised that as soon as the final costs of treating the paper cut are known, we will forward our client's claim for medical compensation (as well as treble damages for pain and suffering).

Yours sincerely,

Meetem, Greetem and Cheatem

wallofdenial said...

Absolutly fucking brilliant.

Phillip said...

So my wishing you a Happy Chrismakwanzikah is out of the question?

You are damn funny lady. Have your people get back to mine. Deal?

Ajay Shroff said...

Nice one..lol..i may use this in the future and my lawyer will be in touch with yours..lol
Ajay
http://ajayshroff.com

HotForSimon said...

Merry Christmas to you too!!!!

Wicked H said...

Cynic, KOB, Wallofdenial, Ajay: Glad you enjoyed that. You all are too kind.

Homo Insapiens: I knew somehow some damage would be caused. Please have your medical claim, etc forwarded and I will see what my counsel advises.

Phillip: My people are very busy, but for you I will try...

Wicked H said...

HFS: On advice of counsel, I wish you Happy Days!!!

tommy said...

You so silly girl. And at least the Metro is still runnin in DC:-)

wallofdenial said...

I just wanted you to know that half of the people in my office are going to be reading this, so you will be getting a lot of hits, feels good huh?

Nutcracker Sweet 54 said...

hey, after the holidays, can you help me out with some HR legal issues I'm experiencing???? Happy Holidays....I ejoyed our New Years get together. Hope 2006 is a happy one for all of us.