Sunday, June 22, 2008

LoJack for the Parental Units

Friday night I was just about to settle down with my pomegranate martini when Brain Surgeon called. I answered the phone with our normal salutation "Hi Hon!" What I usually get back is "Hello Hon, What are you doing?" Instead, in a slightly irritated/minimally panicked tone, she asked if I knew where our parents were?

Our parents are not typically out roaming the streets at 6:00 p.m. on a Friday night. They are in their early 80s. I found her question odd for a couple of reasons, the main one being her tone and the fact that both my sisters live within minutes of our parents. My first instinct was that perhaps they went to visit Smelly as she and her parents were away for a week and both Grandparents were having Smelly withdrawal. So I asked BS if she asked Professor Countessa (Smelly’s Mom) the same question. To which I received an audible sigh.

It’s a long story. The Reader’s Digest version is that Professor Countessa was asked to go over to the house to see if anything looked unusual. She did in fact go over and check things out. Her flaw was that she returned to her own home for a nap without reporting back to a worried BS. That is when the call was placed to me. I came up with the same round of suggestions: they are out shopping and splurged and also grabbed dinner (a rarity for them), did we call their cell phones ( we had, neither answered nor do they really know how to use them) and when was the last time anyone of us had spoken to them?

By this time, BS was clearly at a DEFCON 4 level of worrying. Her major premise for the alarm was that a) she is the eldest and b) she was getting ready to leave for vacation and wanted to make sure all was okay before leaving. I tried to reassure her that it was probably something silly like they lost track of time and that we’d hear from them any moment. I told her I would try calling all numbers again and try to get a SITREP from Professor Countessa.

Another ninety minutes ticks past and we still have not heard from our parents. I call and speak with BIL1 and ask him for the names of the local hospitals. I decided I would eliminate the anxiety of wondering if they were in an emergency room. He kindly volunteered to make those calls; thankfully they were not in a hospital. After more brainstorming, we decided to call a couple of their friends to see if any of them had any news.

By the second call, we found them. Who knew that the homeland team had made it into round two of the World Cup Soccer championships? They were with their buds enjoying the double O.T. win. Viva la Homeland team!!!

The next game is on the 25th, we have grounded our parents until then.......


sophie said...

I think the grounding is a good call. Perhaps you should also make them take a course in cell phone usage.

A123456a said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
t2ed said...

I think you need to give them a sternly worded lecture about how if they're going to be out after their curfew they could at least have the decency to call. You were worried sick about them and they could have been laying dead by the side of the road. We're not done with this by a longshot, Mister.

Make them leave little notes when they go out: where they're going, who with, when returning.

You know, the uzh.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

I'm with t2ed and think you should add to that the fact that you give them responsibilities and trust them and then they pull a little stunt like this and how disappointed you are in their behavior. Be sure not to yell, but say it in a calm, serene voice for maximum guilt effect.

I had a similar experience a year ago with my family. It was incredibly nerve-wracking. And they know how to use their cell phones, so there's no excuse.

Karina said...

Blogger is really pissing me off tonight...I had tried to post this comment and it wouldn't let me...let's try again:

I think it's a true sign of being a "grown-up" when you're the one doing the worrying, calling their friends, and then giving them "the talk".

I had that happen not too long ago, and my mom laughed at me the whole time!

Wicked H said...

Parents, you can raise them, nurture them, train them to exact specifications and before you know it they become elderly. I will give them a gold star if they check in with at least one of us on the 25th! Go Homeland Team!!!!

Lil Wicked said...

First off i was wondering if there was a dummies book on parental lectures because i have generously recieved these treatments. maybe its some kind of universal language?

Well i have to admit that they have learned their lesson. Momma Wicked (or grammy Wicked) called in today bright and early (on the cell phone i might add) and informed me in a slow voice that she was going to walmart to walk around and that she had her cell phone handy in case of a crisis. she later called in that afternoon to inform us that she indeed arived home safely after her walmart spree. She could have done it with less of an attitude though!