Saturday, August 18, 2007

Medical People are the Most “Interesting” Patients

My sister, the brain surgeon, recently had a visit with her ophthalmologist. Unfortunately, she is having some rapid changes with her eyes which lead her doctor to order some type of special contact lenses in order to correct her vision. I don’t know about the rest of you but I’d rather anyone who is to cut into my brain to have the best possible vision available.

BS was given her new set of lenses and she inserted them with no problem. Her vision was where it should be, all was well. Until she tried to remove them. Apparently these lenses are both hard and soft. In order to be able to remove them the use of the tiny suction cup apparatus is essential. The tech handed BS the suction cup and asked her to practice removing the lenses.

The following is how this scenario developed:

BS: (with suction cup affixed to one lens, trying to pull with a degree of force) They don’t seem to want to leave my eye.

Tech: Oh, it’s unfamiliar territory. Try grabbing the lens at the edge of your eye with the suction cup.

BS: (reminding the Tech that she performs this ritual regularly on her patients who come into the trauma room wearing contacts) Okay but really they aren’t budging and now it is quite painful. Do you mind trying?

Tech: Oh! I don’t like playing with people’s eyes. Let me get the other Tech.

BS: ..??..??..(plunger still attached to her eyeball)

Tech 2: Hi, let me try. (She takes control of the plunger and tries every possible angle to remove the lens to no avail)

BS: (who now looks like she’s been on a week long bender due to the major irritation of her eyes via plunger and stuck lenses) Perhaps we should ask the Doctor to come back in

Tech 2: Good idea, let me go get him.

It is important that you all know that BS has known this Doctor and his brother who is his partner since before they were in Medical School. On with the story.

Doc: You seem to be causing my Techs some drama. Step in front of this machine and let me get a closer look.

BS: (complies with the request, notices that the Doctor has a very sharp tiny forcep in his hand headed directly to her eye. Slight anxiety ensues)

Doc: Okay, I got it! Ooops! (The lens flies off the forcep, bumps off BS’s chin and now is missing)

Doc: Okay. I don’t want anyone to make any quick moves, we need to find the lens. (Everyone is carefully looking for the lens.)

BS: Well, it’s hard for me to see now that one lens is out and the other has irritated my eye beyond helping it.

Doc: Well after careful searching we cannot find it. I guess you will have to disrobe. Perhaps the lens is hiding on you.

Tech and Tech 2: (nervously shuffling around in the room, generally one does not disrobe for an eye exam)

BS: Alrighty then, have any mood music?

It was before she started stripping that she noticed the lens hanging on the knob of the machine the Doctor was using. Crisis and strip tease averted. The Doctor order an alternative type of lens for BS and she went on her merry way.


qualcosa di bello said...

every single time one of my patients was a medical professional, the most bizarre circumstances would be involved in their diagnosis/treatment/care. it never failed!

Joy T. said...

LOLOLOL I am dying here!! Mood music LOL oh man. I would have stood there and shaken myself silly before I removed any bit of clothing. My hat is off to your sister LOL

Nutcracker Sweet 54 said...

Hi kids.....well what can I say??? I have an appointment with the same doc in 1 week when my new fandangled lenses come in. I am ordering a stripping pole from E Bay before my appointment....what do you think he'll say when I walk in with THAT apparatus???? keep smiling...:):)

sophie said...

What a hoot! Way back when I first got hard contacts, something about the shape of my eye made it impossible to *blink* them out like normal humans. I had to use the weird plunger thingy.
I always say that medical personnel are either really good patients--or really bad. Glad she has a sense of humor about it!

sognatrice said...

Um, hilarious doesn't even begin to describe this. Kind of makes me want to pay special attention to my contacts tonight ;)q

sognatrice said...

Btw, that "q" down there after my wink doesn't mean I'm sticking out my tongue or was the first letter in my word verification. Oops.

The CEO said...

It figures docs do that crummy of a job with each other. No bedside manner at all.Bet they don't call each other Mr. this 'n that either.

Karina said...

After I was done squirming with all the talk about plungers to eyeballs (I have REALLY sensitive eyes), I found the rest of the story hillarious! Mood music!! LOVE IT!

JennieBoo said...

It's like a Woody Allen movie!

Now, pass me some popcorn.

The drama is intense, I hope it';; last!

Oh poor BS. Is she okay now?

Wicked H said...

Hi All: Glad you enjoyed this at BS's expense!! ( LOL) In case it wasn't clear, Nutcracker Sweet 54 and BS are one in the same. As you can see, she is no worse for the wear.

If her next visit for the new lenses is notowrthy, I am sure you can read all about it.

0rion said...

Ahahaha! Great story. Found your site while randomly surfing on Blog Explosion and had a good long laugh reading this article. Thanks for the much needed levity. :)

mk99 said...

Hilarious. I was afraid you were going to tell us that the illusive contact was indeed NOT in the eye and all the while they were sucking on her eyeball and real lens.