Thursday, July 05, 2007

Octogeneric Long Distance Comedy

My Parents remain in the homeland. They are having a good time. Although I have noticed that they are more homesick this time than usual. It very well may have to do with them missing Sous Chef Mermaid and Smelly, their newest Grand daughter. The last two phone calls involved many mentions of how much they miss all of us. On previous jaunts, they never really vocalized that fact as much.

On the 4th of July I phoned my Parents to see how they were doing. They have been together for more than 50 years and I honestly believe it is due to the fact that they can bicker constantly and then forge ahead as well as enjoy quality time apart. I found out that my Dad was off on a beach trip while my Mom remained at the home front with her siblings. This is a little snippet of our conversation:

Mom: How is everyone there doing? Are you keeping in touch with your sisters?

Wicked: Yes Mom, everyone is fine.

Mom: How is Smelly? Have you seen Smelly?

Wicked: Mom she is growing like the wind, although she is only five months old. She really still only eats, sleeps and poops. You haven’t missed much, trust me.

Mom: Your Father is mad at me.

Wicked: What now?

Mom: He thinks I lost our return tickets and passports.

Wicked: Really? He left them in your care? He is usually too anal about stuff like that.

Mom: He swears that he gave them all to me and now they are missing. Of course, he has his passport.

Wicked: I am relatively sure he did not give them to you, he is a control freak after all.

Mom: I know, I agree. You need to help us find them.

Wicked: Mom, you and I are on separate continents right now. I can only suggest places he may have hidden them. Check all the zippered compartments of the suit cases, the far recesses of any and all drawers, etc.

Mom: Eh! It’s his problem. If he lost my passport, then I guess I will stay here with my brothers and sisters.

Wicked: Okay, you know what is best. I guess we will have to just show Smelly pictures of you...

Mom: Fine! I need to get off the phone and start searching. Bye....Love you!

As I was going to work today, I noticed I had a message on my cell phone. Being the low-tech gal that I am, once I enter the sanctuary of my home, I don’t carry my cell around with me in the house. I still am of the I need a land line school of thought.

The message was from my Father. He was telling me that he was at a beach with friends and that my Mother has lost her passport and both of their return tickets. He requested that I help her retrieve the items. I just shook my head as I giggled. Remember I am on an entirely different continent and can only offer support by phone.

It is of note that my younger sister, Maternal Countessa - Smelly’s Mom, also got a call today from our Dad. He told her the same story. She, not being too supportive, asked him what exactly he thought she could do for them? Shocker that he hung up on her.

You have to love the long distance hijinks that my Parents can generate. Maternal Countessa told me that Mom could simply go to the nearest American Embassy and get a new passport lickety split. I reminded her that in this post 9/11 world, there will be no re-issuing of passports lickety or splitting. Shocker that she hung up on me too.

I need a drink.

Stay tuned to find out if our Parents are able to return together or not.

Make that drink a double!!



The CEO said...

I still have a bottle and a half of Bombay Sapphire sitting around collecting dust. I know where to go for olives, tonic or vermouth. Your bedroom is ready, just bring your jammies. Leave the cell phone at home and don't tell anyone where you're going. There's safety in crossing the Potomac!

sognatrice said...

This is hilarious. If my parents were still together, they'd so do this to me as well. Thanks for the laugh :)

Wicked H said...

CEO: If it weren't for my niece's birthday, I would call and confirm my reservation at Chez CEO. May I have a raincheck with no expiration date?

Sognatrice: You're most welcome. I have found that laughing is the best medicine in these scenarios. Hope your move is going smoothly!

Karina said...

I don't know if I was supposed to laugh at your parents' predicament or not, but this was hillarious. I felt guilty about laughing, I swear! ;-)

JennieBoo said...

Why is it, the older they get, the more "helpless" they become. And how were you guys supposed to "help her find them" a million miles away? Parents!

I giggled at this too. I didn't feel guilty, because my parents are the same way.

Now, what's your drink of choice?

sophie said...

My father lost his *brain* (little black book he's had for years) multiple times when we were in Alaska. I thought I'd have to scream, but managed not to.

Hope they are able to find the passport and return as scheduled.

JennieBoo said...

I have tagged you....


Wicked H said...

Karina: Laughing is A OK! I am sure they will find it in the most obvious place...

JB: It's a challenge, weird to how the roles change. My favorite beverage, right now pomegranite martini.

Sophie: I hope so too, thanks!

Amy said...

This makes me absolutely thrilled that my parents are divorced.

Still... soooooo funny!

Robin said...

Oh my.

Anonymous said...

Tell you parents to call 411. Those people are great! They found my missing socks.

Annie said...

I have to know... Have they found them? My imagination is running wild... Has he secretly hidden the documents to make your mother think she's losing her mind? Is he planning to leave her in the Olde Country, making his life over into an international jet-setter? Has your mother hidden them and planning to make HER life over as an international jet-setter? Or are they in the side pocket of the carry-on bag? I gotta know!

Annie said...

Wow... just read my comment... perhaps I'm a bit of a control freak after all... these aren't even MY parents!!!