Thursday, November 16, 2006

Bite Me

Once upon a time, when I was a big deal practice administrator for 5 clinics I had to hold the hand of a less than competent female physician. The worst kind of physician there is, one who is not only narcissistic but also lazy. Several times I wanted to remind this woman of the meaning behind the Hippocratic Oath but you know I just wasn’t getting paid enough.

It was a Monday morning post call for her; we were in East Jesus NC a microscopic town. A town where being on call might mean your beeper buzzed maybe 4 times the entire weekend if you went to the hospital and rounded on your inpatients. Keep in mind the hospital only has 30 beds. Microscopic. As I was entering the clinic with my arms full of stuff, I hadn’t even crossed the threshold before her incessant whining began. Lazy Doc had an audience and she liked to throw her weight around.

She told me that someone kept calling her beeper all weekend long at all hours of the night. This someone was looking for someone else; he had the wrong number and much free time on his hands. She wanted me to tell her, how this person came across the number and what I was going to do to fix it. All the while crowding me at the threshold of the clinic entrance while waving her finger in my face; I have yet to ingest even a drop of coffee.

I always find that the best defense is an offense so I tried to sound empathetic. I told her that I would find out who this person was and try to figure out how the number was obtained. In the meantime, I would give her another beeper with a new number and I would take care of letting all involved know what the new number was. I then tried to take the final step that would land me thoroughly in the clinic.

She got right into my face and demanded to know what I was going to tell this man who ruined her weekend. I replied, “I am going to tell him to bite me for inconveniencing you.”

It was my last act as practice administrator at that particular location and boy was it worth it. Why my last? She reported back to the COO that I told her to bite me. Not true but it didn’t matter. Yes, I still proudly use the statement but I make sure the recipient is mature enough to handle it.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

As many times a you have told me that!!! I will take it as a complement!

Wicked H said...

Dave: I pick because I love.....please take it as a compelement

Fanny said...

Do you know if she is still practicing there? I am dying to know the end of the story.

Anonymous said...

ahhhh

Wicked H said...

Fanny: As a mater of fact about 6 months later, Lazy Doc prescribed her first and last morning after RX. She was then run out of town by the God faring folks of East Jesus NC. Revenge, a dish best served cold.

sophie said...

It is important to k now the humor and maturity level of your audience. I would consider it a pleasure if you took up for me in that manner.

Wicked H said...

Sophie: Thank you! I knew I liked you for a reason!