Somehow I have become the resident expert on dog care and training. I am on constant call 24/7 for the needs of Little Mermaid, my 10-year-old niece, and her parents.
You see they have added Google, a 4-month-old golden-doodle, to their family. Do they collectively have any knowledge on dog care? Not so much. That is what family and friends who are current dog owners are for, right? I have given my B-I-L ( brother-in-law) many pointers on house breaking and other general tips. B-I-L is a stay at home Dad so he has the most contact with Google. So far, B-I-L has not taken my advice and tried a few things on his own, only to be corrected by the dog trainer they now have on retainer. Imagine B-I-L’s surprise when the trainer gave him the same advice I did. Some lessons are learned the hard way.
Little Mermaid has not had much interaction with the male species, human or canine. What I am trying to explain is that she has little to no knowledge of the male anatomy, human or canine. The first time Google got “excited,” Mermaid alerted her mother to the fact and asked what was going on? Since her mom is in the medical field, she decided to take the blunt approach to the quandary.
LM(Little Mermaid): Mom! There is something wrong with Google! Something is sticking out! What is it?
BS(Brain Surgeon a.k.a. her Mom): Oh? Well.....don’t worry about it. He is fine.
LM: We need to take him to the Vet! IT is not right. I have not seen this before!
BS: (fidgeting by now, quite uncomfortable with this topic in general; human or canine)Well Mermaid, he is really fine. He has an erection.
LM: An infection?
BS: YES! But not to worry, it will come and go by itself, just leave it alone.
LM: Oh. Are you sure?
BS: I promise, it is normal for him to have it.
BS was recanting this story to me via phone and I could not stop laughing. BS does not enjoy discussing this topic. BS tried to change the subject. Meanwhile, in the back ground I hear Little Mermaid announcing yet another infection that Google is encountering. Little Mermaid asks her Mom is there is some medicine that can be used?
BS: (Audibly groaning) No! He doesn’t need any medicine. STOP trying to touch it!!!!!!
LM: How come it keeps happening. Don’t infections get better, WITH medicine? I know. We can rub something on it.
BS: OH. MY. GOD. Don’t touch it. Just don’t!
My suggestion was to have her Dad explain the “infection” process. Just because Little Mermaid is female doesn’t mean he should be excluded by such topics of conversation. This Aunt stuff is a piece of cake. Give all the advice and sit back and watch it all unfold.
Google, what a stud muffin! Tee hee!
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8 comments:
I can hear it now!!!
"Mom!!! Google has another infection...and WHAT IS HE DOING TO MY LEG!!! GET HIM OFF MEEEEE!!!"
hahahahaha!!!!!
Ooooh that made me laugh, thank you!! Nice end to the day.. :-)
Oh, Oh, Oh, the joys of parenthood (and I signed up for ths voluntarily???!!!)I did get a great laugh out of this one when I really needed to laugh. Thanks Little Mermaid and thanks Aunt Wicked.....(BS, mom)Nutcracker Sweet54
And my crazy female beagle loves to hump random people and things. Yesterday I found her licking my Sponge Bob pillow case. Go figure.
I hope her dad doesn't have "infection disfunction". It might be a sore subject:-)
HFS: It hasn't happened yet, but it will sure be fun to blog about.
#28, Jason, Chandira, NS54/aka BS and Erika: Glad you enjoyed the story.
Sirreene: Thankfully, in this case, LM is an only child...LOL
Tommy: If there is an "infection dysfunction", I kinda sorta don't want to know. :-)
too funny and close to home. i had to go through the same uncomfortable conversations with my daughter and our male lab.
funny how medical people who should do it better (re conversations with their kids) are so lame sometimes.
cat
Once again I bring up the rear in your comments. *sigh*
This post had me hysterical laughing! I loved it. I could just imagine my daughter saying something just like this when she was younger.
Sounds like your new 'job' will give you more than you bargained for! haha
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