Thursday, October 18, 2007

Staph Resistant Viruses

The Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting.

The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350GB.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows.

No clue who the original author is, but I'd certainly buy them a round or two.


Humor Girl said...

That's great!

The CEO said...

I'm still laughing. Thank you for this!

tommy said...

Thanks for the laugh baby!!

Karina said...

HAHAHA!!!! LOVE IT! I'd buy the second round!

t2ed said...

What about the Anglina virus? Continues to acquire small computer peripherals.

The Brittney Virus? Makes CD's enter and exit hard drives randomly -- just like rehab stints. Especially when no one is listening to them.

The Martha Stewart Virus? Endlessly cleans up icons on your desktop.

The Helmsley Virus? Sends all of your files to the ASPCA.

qualcosa di bello said...

lmao!!!! thanks, i needed that...

Wicked H said...

t2ed: Hey, are you the original author???

Regardless, you are my hero!

Wicked H said...

All Else: You're welcome, my pleasure!

Crazy Lady said...

LMAO - those are great!

Jessica said...

I'm laughing so hard! t2ed, you added some unforgettable ones!
Here from She Who Blogs.

Weary Hag said...

Marvelous! I thought you made these up at first. Given a little time and patience, I'll be you could have.