Best described as a cross between Scarlet O’Hara and a future enrollee of the Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. This woman is certifiable. I sure hope the mold broke after her because even one of her is one too many on the planet.
What’s the old saying? If you want to get to know someone well, either move in with him or her or take a trip with them. I am here to tell you that Martini Lady is a trip without luggage. She had such promise too. Before actually meeting her I had only heard good things.
I got more than my fill on a 3-hour bus ride from Reading PA to NYC. Mindless chatter with the sickeningly sweet pseudo southern charm. Thankfully she was so self medicated that she lost consciousness mid-sentence. We arrived in the Big Apple and hit the ground running. Even HFS’ step mom was able to keep the pace and she had 2 bad knees. Martini Lady must have taken the wrong combination from her mobile pharmacy, known as a purse to the rest of the population. She was stumbling along in a dazed state.
It was annoying. We had an itinerary full of fun things to do; no time for drug induced stupor. Had I known that was the only time she would be quiet, I would have taken over the mobile pharmacy and dispensed the drugs for maximum effect.
Despite Martini Lady, aptly named for her favorite libation the Chocolate Martini, we did have a fun time. A couple of Broadway shows and a trip to the Improv later we were back on the bus heading home. Hey, in case you didn’t know, it is “HUGE” inside the Improv. There is no need to show up too early. Also, it’s a two item minimum not a 2 drink minimum. Get it right Mr. Concierge! Cause if you don’t step mom will correct you. “Good fer you!”
Martini Lady’s life almost came to an end while she had to palpate EVERY item in the souvenir shop. I’ll let HFS expound on those details because I left the store and walked back to the hotel.
I don’t exactly know why this story popped into my brain, but thought I’d share it.
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2 comments:
Please, warn me when you're going to do this...I read the title and once again had an orange juice incident that called for Bounty...the quicker picker upper.
Yeah, Martini Lady was a piece of work. I no longer associate with Ms. Ohara...and still can't believe I ever did in the first place, let alone take her to NYC with us. You failed to mention the 5 showers a day, and how AFTER the improv (1am-ish?) she decided she wanted to go for a WALK in mid-town Manhatten. Good thing I have a good sense of direction and HALF knew where I was going, because in her drug induced stupor, and my alcohol induced stupor, it's a wonder we made it back to the hotel in time for shower #5. LOL Of course, this walk caused her to get a blister on her heel that we had to hear all about for the next two days. ARGH!
I looked at it this way...by taking her for a walk at 1-2am, at least Tiffanys and Sax 5th Ave was CLOSED and I didn't have to peruse racks of scarves and over-priced knickers for three hours.
It was a fun trip, though...regardless.
She sounds like a trip alright! You have way more patience than me. I'd have left her there, I think. ;-)
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