Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Lil Wicked, my twelve year old niece, and I were having a serious discussion over the weekend.

You see, my whole family attended public schools during our formative years. We all turned out pretty damn good if I must say so myself. It seems that living amongst the Mcmansioned requires one to send their offspring to fancy, schmancy private schools; Parochial ones. I shudder just thinking about it. To each is own is what I used to say until it hit close to home.

Lil Wicked is attending St. Francis of the Behemoths or some such institution. (Can you hear me God? It’s me Wicked H!) She was telling me that the majority of her teachers were of the plus sized variety. Let me clarify, they are plus sized female instructors who arrive dressed for class in psychedelic moo moos.

The tarp covered faculty members enjoy dolling out detentions and the like because due to their size they are restricted from keeping their students in line. Besides that, most are unable to keep the assignments up to date on the school’s web site so that the parental units can make sure their precious cargo are learning to the full extent of the several thousand dollar tuition.

Lil Wicked was explaining how most of the outfits were so distracting, it was making her eyes tear. Now, I must tell you that it took all my strength not to make fun of these educators. You all would have been so proud of me. I cleared my throat and in my most serious tone, I suggested that perhaps a petition needs to be started asking that the teachers also must wear the uniforms that the students are forced to exhibit. Lil Wicked thought about it for a moment and declared that she’d rather see a freaky frock than a mammoth woman in an plaid skirt.

Point taken.


Anonymous said...

oh if you all knew the exasperation and frustration I feel! Listen, 7th grade was a VERY LONG time ago for me.....that'll teach me to have a kid at age 39, what was I thinking! Nutcracker Sweet 54

Weary Hag said...


Having endured the wrath of such institutions my own self (thus the weary part - and the hag part for that matter), I can safely say that 'tis better to clothe the beast in color than to swaddle it in penguin-like attire every day of the year.
Have Lil Wicked start a pool in her class. Go with pennies. Have the kids each guess which obtrusive and annoying color the militia will wear the next day. Winner takes all.

Karina said...

But a good point you make as well. I'd never actually thought about it, but if students are required to wear uniforms, shouldn't the teachers lead by example? Perhaps not in little plaid skirts (oh the horror), but in some modicum of professional attire? Hmmm....

sophie said...

I survived six years of catholic elementary school (but not with my faith intact). There was one nun who literally had a sawed off goalie stick she used for paddling. I saw the stick, but never saw anyone actually get hit. I hope she doesn't get detention for gambling.

Wicked H said...

NS54 aka Brain Surgeon: Hey at least you know that if you sign up for that Smarter than a 5th Grader Show, you'd win! Also, I am extremely grateful for having Lil Wicked around. I LOVE that kid!

Hagglette: I like the way you think, will definitely pass it along.

Karina: Thank you and I could not agree more!

Sophie: Luckily no habit wearing personnel, just wide girthed with odd clothes. Wonder how many Hail Mary's the Nun with the stick had to recite each day?

t2ed said...

If you make educators wear those Catholic School Girl outfits, the breeders will start showing up for the Parent Teacher Conferences.

And no one really wants that to happen, do they?

mk99 said...

We've all experienced hateful, lazy educators in our lives. And they've all been of varying sizes. My most horrifying one was 90lbs wet and mean as hell.

Let's not generalize that all overweight folks are nasty - that is way too Boston Legal for me.

qualcosa di bello said...

i see humor runs rampant in your family...way to go lil wicked!

Bunco Babe said...

Okay - tell Lil Wicked that I am all for the "moo-moo of the day" pool, but forget the penny ante nonsense and let's get some dead presidents involved here. Call it a consumer math lesson and it's all good....And by the way, Auntie Wicked - here's the stunt she pulled on me last month. She had Google the Wonder Dog on his morning walk and just couldn't bear the thought of going any further with the bag of "Goo-doo" in her hands. So she marched right up to me, and in all seriousness, handed me the bag and asked would I please "do something" with it? Sure "lil wicked" what are neighbors for??? Some day, when she's older, I'll ask her to return the favor!! But she has learned at an early age to pass the *&$#!! Looks like she is learning a lot of valuable lessons early on!!

Lil Wicked said...

i learned from dearset aunt wicked to always find an easy way out,bunco babe. when and if you ever get a canine pal you will know that its not so easy carying ten piles of crap around the neighberhood.
PS i didnt need purifyed curse words i learned from others around me those words also.