Monday, May 30, 2005

Attach of the Killer Chameleons

Ok, so I exaggerate a tad. I don’t do well with critters. Anything that can creep along is not for me.

I love a wood-burning fireplace. I enjoy the smell of the wood and hearing the crackling sounds. They sooth me just like the sound of the tide rolling in and out. One Fall evening I had gathered a pile of wood and began the process of staring a fire. We all have our own tricks for the perfect fire. I like to use pinecones as kindling. I also have this habit of standing in front of the fireplace with the screen wide open while I wait for the pinecones to ignite.

This particular evening as I was watching the pine cones blaze, something hurled itself out of the fireplace and onto me. Actually, there were 2 of them. Lizards! Apparently, they were living in my woodpile. They did not take kindly to being set on fire. I promise I did not see them. For if I had, I would have definitely gone without a fire that night.

I admit to screaming like a little girl while doing some kind of crazed dance in an effort to get the lizards off of me. Of course in the process I tripped over the coffee table in the living room and one of them crawled right over my neck. EWWWW!

Dexter was still a puppy then and he was very excited to have 2 new playmates. One of them was partially singed and the other had a burnt tail. The 2 critters dove under the couch in the scuttle. Great! Dexter is now barking at the couch and I am trying to remain calm and figure out how to get the intruders out of the house.

After 10 minutes, one stiff drink and a phone call to a male friend for moral support and guidance, I decided to let Dexter handle the situation. I pulled the couch and love seat to the middle of the room. He immediately bounded on Partially Singed. He batted him around between his paws enough to stun him. Then on advice from my friend I got the broom and swept Singed right on out the door. Missing Tail was smarter than his friend; he was on his way up the wall towards the ceiling. I forget how much energy Dexter had back then. It took a couple of leaps but he knocked Missing Tail to the floor and stunned him as well. Missing Tail was evicted from our house in the same manner.

Lessons learned from this event? I drop each piece of firewood on the ground several times before bringing them inside my house. I make sure the fireplace screen is closed before I ignite the kindling. At least I learn from most of my mistakes.

Bad Karma leads to Killer Chameleons. Don’t forget it!

6 comments:

RP said...

It comes and goes, it comes and gooooes.

He's a damn fine dog, isn't he?

Wicked H said...

THE BEST!!!

Anonymous said...

You realize that with two Lizards in the fire, the colors would have been, "Red, gold, and greeen, red gold and greeeeeeen".

Anonymous said...

Uh, that comment was was mine...Boy Howard.

Corry said...

I think you did extremely well!

Nice post.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the time I was in the Cayman Islands with BIL. We were eating dinner in a lovely restaurant with an open thatched roof with long wooden beams. A nicely dressed bald man and his family were 1 table away. Just when our expensive dinner arrived one of your lovely friends decided to fall onto the man's head; he swatted it accidentally onto his wife's chest.....soon the whole place was swatting and screaming. Needless to say, our expensive dinner was left behind......I too don't care for the little guys. Nutcracker sweet 54