Thursday, February 10, 2005

Size Really Does Matter

What do you buy your Father on special occasions? Clothes are usually top on the list. We all want our Parents to look good when they are out representing the Family in public, right? For as long as I can remember anytime my Father receives an article of clothing as a gift, he will hold it up against him and say it’s great thank you. However, we never notice him wearing it, EVER.

As he ages, my Father is becoming more vain. It becomes increasingly difficult to buy presents for him. We have tried to move away from clothes. We have purchased gift certificates for restaurants although he is a very picky eater and that isn’t the best gift. We once arranged for the yard to be taken care of for a season and he chased the kid away with all his meddling.

So this year for Christmas I bought my Dad a new coat. Similar to a parka but not as bulky. My Dad is cold in August so imagine how he gets through the winter months. A month or so before Christmas I had most of the Family over to my house for tea. I can’t remember why, but my Dad chose not to come - no big deal. I chose that time to show my Mom the coat. She thought it would fit fine; the only problem was the size. She asked me to bring her some scissors so that she could remove all the tags related to the size of the coat. You see if my Dad notices that the size is larger than what he perceives himself to be, the clothing will not be worn. Narcissism or denial; doesn’t matter if he saw the actual size label he would have tossed it aside after holding it up against him and thanking me.

Uncle Fun, my newest brother-in-law was very intrigued by all this. He figured we were exaggerating Dad’s behavior. I told him to watch Dad open up any clothing item. He will hold it up against himself, thank the person and then covertly search for the tag. Uncle Fun and I had a deal. C’mon Christmas!

Sure enough when Dad opened up the coat he performed as per usual. Uncle Fun and I were sitting next to each other. In our Family we each take turns opening up the gifts so we can a) see what kind of loot each one of us received and b) see if the receiver enjoyed the gift. We form a circle and go at it. After Dad opened up the coat and the entire time the next round of gifts were being opened; he was feverishly looking for a size tag. Uncle Fun was watching in wonderment. Every now and then he’d ask Dad what he was doing. My Father would then point out all the different interior pockets in the coat. It was hilarious. He would put the coat down only when it was his turn to open up his next gift then as soon as he was done, back to the search for the tag. Uncle Fun was giggling uncontrollably.

So you see, size really does matter.


RP said...

That's pretty darn funny! But you left out the ending, does he wear the coat?

Wicked H said...

I spent last weekend at my Parent's home to help out with Mom and he did in fact wear the coat. I was shocked! Uncle Fun owes me a drink!

RP said...

Not just any drink, surely. I'm thinking a really nice Cognac. Something that takes a long time to drink so you can savor it more.

Anonymous said...

I can relate . . . My mother-in-law, very hard to please, once admired a sweater that I knew would fit her, but the tag said it was too big. I took it in the fitting room, removed the larger sized tag, took a sweater by the same manufacturer in a smaller size, and removed that smaller sized tag, bought the big sweater, took it home and sewed the smaller tag in it . . . whew! She wears that perfect-fitting sweater to this day, for many years now. Yes, I damaged property in a store, etc., but you don't know how HARD it is to shop for that woman!