Control Freak or Student of Life?

Remember back in the day when gas stations would pump the gasoline for you? Well my Father would be outside of the vehicle dutifully watching over the attendant. I mean like a hawk. I would ask my Dad what exactly he was watching for when he finally got back into the car? He would always say, I always try to learn new things. Well one would think that by the time self service gas stations came around he’d be an expert at pumping it. Not so much.

Then there'd be the heating and air repair tech making the bi-annual visit to service the furnace and compressor. My Dad would be right there in the guy's workspace usually in his way. My Dad is quite charming so it makes perfect sense that he is able to shadow anyone who appears at the house for repair duties. He explains how he is a student of life and he lives to learn new stuff. How can you argue with that?

When it was time for me to move out of the house, my Dad decided to give me a quick lesson on the inner workings of a car. Being a physician he tends to relate all his lessons around the human body. So he would label the parts of the engine after the parts of the body. You mean you didn't get this same lesson?? Battery = the heart, radiator = lungs, carburetor = liver and so on.

As he gets older, it's more about lack of trust versus wanting control over all things. We try to schedule repair visits when Dad is not home. It seems this new generation does not find my Father's quest for enlightenment all that charming. We tried to hire a teen to mow the lawn so that my 78 year old Father doesn't have to deal with that especially in the hot summer. As you may have guessed after about the second time he went out to learn how the kid's lawnmower functioned, we never saw the young man again. I am pretty sure the Jiffy Lube Team specifically added the "no more standing with us in the service bay" clause to keep him from his thirst for knowledge.

So for all those service related people that will eventually meet my Father, please be kind to your elder.

Happy Christmakwanzikah!!!!!

My wish to all of you is good health and happiness.

Hope all your Holiday wishes come true.

Tis the Season…..

..for wacko shoppers.

It is not a secret that I may be one of a few females on the planet who dislikes, no hates, shopping. For me to be able to go out and procure seasonal gifts is a big deal. I must strike when the shopping mood hits. I have been known to lose that mood even before I get to the store. If that happens, I just turn around and go back home.

This brings me to last years shopping excursion. A local chain department store had a big deal, Ram-a-lama-ding-dang sale. The store was open till midnight. I purposely waited to arrive at the store after 10:30 pm thinking all the normal people who had to get up for work the next day would have already left. That’s what I get for thinking. So there I was with my shopping mood in full force. I was prepared for the crowds and people bumping into me and trying to navigate around the tightly spaced racks of stuff. I was happily going about my gift procurement minding my own business. I had picked up a sweater and was holding it at eye level, trying to decide if my sister would like it. When all of a sudden I find myself wrestling with a much shorter woman (MSW) who has a firm grasp on the hem of the sweater. She is pulling with all her might. Here then is our exchange:

Wicked H: (while swiftly yanking the sweater back into my possession) Do you mind?
MSW: I want that sweater!!
Wicked H: Did you notice that I was in possession of the sweater when you tried snatching it away?
MSW: I didn’t notice that.
Wicked H: Oh, did you think the sweater was levitating magically?
MSW: ( stupid stare)
Wicked H: Lady, as you can see, there is a whole rack right next to where you are standing with the exact sweater.
MSW: I want that one.
Wicked H: If you don’t back off, you are going to die!
MSW: (while taking 10 steps backwards) Well! Happy holidays to you too.
Wicked H: Yea, yea…BITE ME!

The Holidays bring out the best in everyone, don’t they? Be careful shopping out there! You never know which store and what type of mood I’ll be in. I have thought about online shopping, but I have waited too long, yet again.

Top 10 Reasons My Trip to the Beach was Perfect:

#10 - NO shopping!! Outlets schmoutlets.
# 9 - Unplanned itinerary. Who schedules every meal before you leave for the trip???
# 8 - Uncontrolled giggling complete with snorting. Especially during the un-savories versus savories discussion. ( okay, maybe I was the only one snorting…)
# 7 – At least one phone call per day to hear how much you are being missed – SIGH
# 6 – Unlimited evening cocktails imbibed on the balcony with the waves crashing below.
# 5 – Three and a half mile trek on the beach each morning during which time all bad things are purged from my head.
# 4 – Heated indoor lazy river. I had forgotten the joy of reading while floating in a pool.
#3 – The picture perfect weather for early December. Sunny, clear skies, light winds.
# 2 – Independence Airlines – I highly recommend them people! Cannot beat the price and service.

And the #1 reason my trip to the Beach was perfect. My traveling partners: HFS and HFS Jr. It could not have gotten better than that…..

Reality.....

...what a concept?


I am back to reality after 5 days of complete rest and relaxation. Let me catch up with reality and I will post details later. Oh, Howard - I promise to send you an e-mail with the details you requested. No worries!

What Happens at the Office Christmas Party.....

...stays at the office Christmas party.

That's all I am saying.

Hello! Freaking, Ding DING

The other day I was trying to get in touch with my Mom. I try to call her a few times a week while at work. I should do it every day. Trust me I am trying to do better. I had tried for an hour straight. I kept getting the internal answering system message. Now you have to understand that my parents are 78 years old. Low maintenance technology works best for them. They have a normal answering machine which took the better part of a year to master. Why my brother-in-law signed them up for the answering service through the local phone company is beyond me. They never check those message because it involves too many steps.

In any case, it became clear to me that 1) my Mom accidentally forgot to hit the end button on the cordless phone or 2) something happened to her. Bridezilla lives 2 minutes away and is currently unemployed. I thought I would call her and ask her to check on Mom. I told her that I figured Mom left the phone off the hook could she please go over there and make sure everything was alright. She agreed.

A couple minutes later my cell phone rings. Bridezilla is reporting back:

Bridezilla: I went by the house, Mom is not home.
Wicked: Did you hang up the phone?
Bridezilla: No, I didn’t go in. I saw that her car was not in the garage and left.
Wicked: If you got out of your car to walk into the breezeway and open up the interior garage door to see if her car was there, why couldn’t you go into the house and hang up the phone?
Bridezilla: I didn’t want to disturb the house.
Wicked: Huh?!?!?!?!?!
Bridezilla: (Silence on her end - it was such a stupid excuse even she did not have a come back)
Wicked: Please go back and hang up the phone. The last thing we want is for Dad to try to call, panic and race home. ( He has done this several times, she forgets to hit end a lot)
Bridezilla: Well, okay. If that is what you want.....

I swear I am adopted

Southern Fried Happiness...

Twelve years ago today, the best thing that ever entered my life was born. You guessed it, my golden retriever turns 12 today. Happy Birthday Dexter!!!

Dexter is southern fried, he was born in Charlotte North Carolina. We have been together since he was six weeks old. I was honored to be picked by him. I went to pick out my pup from the owner and asked her to only show me the males. She brought 5 of them to me and as I sat on the floor among them all, Dexter was the first to crawl up and give me a big ole kiss. It was love at first site. Too bad it isn’t this easy with the non-furry male variety. (Another post for another time)

Dexter has been through not one but two very scary medical emergencies. I thought I was going to lose him both times. Thank goodness he survived. How it was possible for him to be livelier after the second illness at age 9 is still a mystery to me. He is a very healthy 12, knock on wood. I am the proud Granny of 16 grand pups. Dexter was quite the stud in his day.

My parents will tell you that they currently have 2 grand kids; one furry and one not. I am proud to announce that I gave them their first grand kid, furry but not loved any less than Little Mermaid. Although I have noticed that lately Little Mermaid is racking up more gifts than Dexter. What’s up with that? I guess if you count all the food scraps that Dexter is surely receiving when in his Grand Parents charge, then the gift ratio is more equal. Does anyone else out there have a furry kid who’s Grand Father gives them a report of how many centimeters pooped and liters peed? I didn’t think so. Dexter is one lucky dog!!

Happy 12th Dexie!!! May the rest of your years be very healthy and happy.

Puppy Love

Remember your first serious crush? I do, Phillip S. ( you never know who reads these things..). Phillip was the first boy to give me his ID bracelet. Yes, I am that old.

It was all very sweet. He would walk me to class and we’d hold hands during lunch. I know, cavities are forming. It was that warm fuzzy feeling to have someone care about you. Of course situations like these were frowned upon by my parental units. So it was a big secret that I had possession of the ID bracelet. Don’t get me wrong, I would always wear it but it would be hidden from Mom and Dad.

My older sister was away at college during that time of my life. For the record we were not too close then. When she would come home on weekends she was too busy to spend time with me. She was going through her college growing pains and I was going through my adolescent ones. We bickered back then more than anything else. However, I felt the need of sharing my news with her. So one night when she was home I showed her Phillip’s ID bracelet. She didn’t seem too amused by it but she did promise not to tell Mom and Dad. I felt better letting the cat out of the bag.

As siblings will do, we had some type of altercation that visit. I don’t remember what it was but it obviously annoyed her to the point of revenge. That night at dinner we were having our normal family catch up session. My sister asked Mom and Dad if they heard of my news. Gulp! Here is how the conversation went:

Dad: What’s your news?
Me: Oh , nothing really.
Dad: Tell us.
Me: Well, I have a friend, Phillip.
Dad: And?
Me: Um, well, we are going together.
Dad: Going where?
Me: No where, just together.
Sister: Show them your bracelet.
Me: No, it’s not important.
Dad/Mom: What bracelet?

After a long lecture on how my having Phillip’s ID bracelet was inappropriate, I was told to return it to him. Poor Phillip, I don’t think he understood why I was returning it. To be honest, I didn’t even understand why. Unfortunately , in my house you didn’t ask why, you were required to do it.

So there you have it. I blame my older sister for the fact that I remain single after all these years. I have to blame someone!!