Where Does the Time Go?

Sorry gang. It's been a hectic week. Too much going on to have time to write about it. I promise to get back on a schedule next week.

Until then, have a great weekend and Happy Halloween!!!!

Hot Dog!

Congrats Red Sox!!!

I was told I did win the bet after all. Perhaps things are looking up Nutcrackersweet?

Mexican Hat Dance

Well we have good news and bad news. The good news is that I did not perform the Mexican Hat Dance at the shower. The bad news is that there was NO marguerita machine. RP, I am going to buy one and you are the first invited to break it in, deal?

More god news: no Bridal shower games - I knew there was a God. Bad news: no bride’s maid dresses in site. (Less than 3 weeks to W-day)Now you see I took this as good news and volunteered to opt out of the whole proceedings. I quickly found out that offer was taken as bad news. Bridezilla was not amused. Well, neither am I but why not make the best of a situation? I told the group of “maids” that we should all go and get burgundy bed sheets and make togas. The dress that we all ordered is strapless so it seemed like a good idea. Strangely, only my older sister and I found this amusing. Clearly, I need to hang out with women with better senses of humor. Oh wait, the women I was surrounded by believe in the archaic wedding ritual nonsense. Of course they’d have no sense of humor. Whatever.

At our Bridal party luncheon today we had the usual polite conversations and very delicious food. Bridezilla handed out our gifts; burgundy stoned dangly earrings. They’d go great with the togas. I talked about hiring 2 midgets to hold up my bodacious ta-tas. The other well-endowed bride’s maid asked if I could get a deal on 2 pair of midgets? I told her I’d look into it. Then the less endowed maids talked about how best to pad their misfortune. Some are opting for water balloons, others for socks. Our waiter was highly amused. Good times!

All in all it was a decent weekend. Friday was spent shopping and preparing all the food for the Shower. If I never see another tortilla wrap, it will be too soon. Then there was the discussion of how to decorate. Who knew there were so many freakin options? We got it all done. Everyone seemed to enjoy the day, there was little food left. As far as I know, we haven’t poisoned anyone. My game plan was if the doorbell rang and the woman had a gift in tow, she gained access to the party. I only knew maybe 10 people there; as for the rest I truly didn’t care. When will I ever lay eyes on these strangers again? Well I might run into them the night I model the burgundy toga but beyond that, not my problem.

I am getting too old for this much, ahem, excitement on the weekends. Maybe I should reserve my room now at Shady Pines Rest Home for Spinsters. Yep, good idea.

What to do when there are too many options on TV

1. Go over to a friend’s house and debate the validity of channel surfing.
(I hate it when he is right)
2. Eat dinner while only the news is still on.
3. Seinfeld re-run; always a neutral option for the 7:30 slot. You know like Switzerland.
4. Baseball coverage at 8. Not one, but 2 games. At the same time.
5. Make very interesting wagers regarding outcomes of said games.
6. PLEASE, let me win at least on of the bets.
7. Have the honor of control over the remote and be told I am on my game as I strategically flip between games at key plays. ( Damn, I am good!)
8. Did I mention, I was given control of the remote? We need to celebrate this day next year.
9. Try to act all responsible and turn the debates on at 9.
10. Do our best to not make fun of the opposing candidates. We are on opposite sides of the fence but are able to mutually agree on certain issues.
11. Decide that the games are more important and ditch the debate.
12. PLEASE, let me win the bet for the Yankees/Red Sox game.


What did everyone else do?

Boomerang

I just got off the phone with HFS. It’s pretty rare that we talk during the day, we are both extremely busy career women, don’t you know. It’s pretty much a given that these daytime conversations can have a wide range of topics.

The conversation began innocently enough, this time it was HFS’ turn to be the venter and me the ventee. But then it happened, thankfully it always does. Her spitfire wit reared its head and I now have a new nickname – Boomerang.

One day I will post about it. Until then, feel free to send me your guesses. HFS is not allowed to participate in the guessing game. Remember folks, this is not a competition simply a demonstration.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming…..

And so it begins.......

....T minus a few weeks and counting. The younger sister’s wedding festivities are approaching, fast and furious.

Next weekend I will need to be on my best behavior. I have been practicing my ooohs and ahhhhs all weekend long. Why? Next Saturday we will have the Bridal Shower. Who came up with all these archaic traditions? I mean really. I think that if the future couple has already set up house, why have a shower anyway? Whatever!

My older sister and I will be co-hostesses. The best way to get through this shower? Any guesses? We have rented a Marguerita machine. Think Slurpee dispenser but instead of Slurpees we will have Margueritas....Ole!! You think it might be over the top if I keep humming the Mexican Hat Dance while being the hostess with the mostess? You do? Then I must do it.

I draw the line at Bridal Shower games. Shoot me now people. I volunteer to do the dishes. For the love of all that is dignified, give me a king-sized break.

Any of you out there who have ideas on how to keep me calm, besides with the use of alcohol and good drugs, I am open to any and all suggestions.

Ooooohh..............ahhhhhhhhh. What lovely oven mitts!!! How’s that?

OY...VEY.....Maria!

Stop the Presses

I have mentioned in past writings that I used to live in a very small town in rural NC. I spent 5 years in that town and then 4 more years in golf resort town 20 miles east. The job I had in the rural town gave me exposure to most of the residents. If the folks didn’t know me through work then they got to know me while I was working with the Community Theatre. (As you can see my town had great class, not only did we have theater we spelled it all fancy schmancy) The point is that anytime I had friends or family visiting me, the town knew about it. Sometimes even before I knew. I am still trying to figure that out.

A couple of girlfriends who I used to work closely with decided to drive down to visit me. Our plan was for them to drive to me and then the next day we would drive to Holden Beach for a week. We had decided to go ahead and shop for groceries before we left town so that we could eliminate that task. It was only a 2 and a half-hour drive to the Beach, it seemed like a good idea. Now you have to understand that Mimi and Marcella didn’t understand the size of the town I was in. They thought I was joking about how everyone knew my comings and goings. I have to tell you, I did not have much for people to talk about.

Their first clue came when they stopped into the ABC store for the libation purchase for our trip. When they were paying for the liquor the cashier welcomed them to town and told them she had heard much about them. They figured she was simply being polite and made their way to my place. After catching up with each other we got down to the business of making the dreaded grocery list and off we went. I warned them that the second we step foot into the store at least 10 people would come up and initiate conversation. I really believe that they thought I had become conceited since moving south. I made a bet with them. If less than 10 people conversed with us in detail while we were grocery shopping then I would pick up the whole tab. If 10 or more people approached us then Mimi and Marcella would have to be very cordial and polite. Hey the 2 of them are on vacation, cordial and politeness was left 400 miles north.

Sure enough before we could get through the produce section 11 of my town folk greeted us. Most of them addressing Mimi and Marcella by their actual names. I wish I had a camera, they were flabbergasted. You see not only must you converse in the produce section but also in every other isle that you will run into the townies. If you dislike shopping (as I do) it can be excruciating. By the time we got to the feminine hygiene section Marcella decided she would really get into the let’s get acquainted game. By the time I caught up to them, I was busy socializing, I saw that Marcella had depleted the stores supply of condoms and red wine. I found her telling the bank’s Vice president that since we were going to be all liquored up at the Beach we needed to be extra careful.

Friends. They are what memories are made of and how reputations get ruined. I am not sure if I had as much fun at the Beach or after I returned. It’s a toss up.

Life Saver

42 years ago today, my Mother was rushed to the hospital. She was eight months pregnant with me and her appendix ruptured. They delivered me with great haste, threw me in an incubator and hoped for the best. I was less than 4 pounds.

They prepared my Mom for surgery; she was not doing very well. The medical staff told my then psychiatric resident Father to bring in his 8 year old daughter to possibly say good bye to her Mother. The odds were not in my Mom’s favor. Thankfully she made it through the surgery and was in the ICU for 6 weeks. I ended up coming home before my Mom.

So there is my Father with an 8-year-old daughter and a pre-mature infant daughter, his wife fighting for her life in the ICU and he must show up for work. We were living on the grounds of a mental institution ( yes for those of you keeping score – I was conceived on the grounds of a mental institution – it explains a lot) and my Father had to find someone to take care of my sister and I. The most logical choice? One of his patients who was institutionalized for stabbing her husband to death and not speaking since that event. Doris was her name. Perhaps my Father didn’t want a family anymore and figured this was the easiest way to get rid of at least 2 of his responsibilities. Or maybe he is really good at what he does and trusted Doris with our well being. I am grateful for the latter. (I promise to tell the story of Doris soon – she was very special and instrumental in my life)

My story has a happy ending. Mom finally came home and of course it took her a while to recover. All of us count our blessings each day. But it wouldn’t be my birthday without my Mom calling me and telling me this story and how it was raining cats and dogs on the way to the hospital. She has always called me her lifesaver. I always thought she was mine.

Either way, I think we deserve at least a flavor named after us. Any suggestions?

Hi, My Name is Wicked H.....

....and I am addicted to full body massages. I am looking for a 12 step program. Anyone out there know of any?

If you will excuse me I am off to get my next fix.

Have a great, relaxing weekend!