Wednesday, November 12, 2008

He’s Sharted and He Can’t Get Up!

If you’ve visited this site previously, you know that know that my family endures hysterical scenarios. I would be remiss, if I didn’t share, right?

It seems my father had an incident recently. The parental units took B-I-L #1 and family out for his birthday dinner. A good time was had by all. Fast forward to later that evening.

My father had what he assumed was a minor attack of flatulence. It happens to the best of us. Since he was alone in that part of the house, my mother had long since ascended to her bedroom, he decided to let the gas escape. During mid-release, he realized that air was not the only passenger.

He decided to use his 83 year old body, to “sprint” to his master bath and hopefully make it to the restroom in time. Since my father was never a runner and due to his advanced age and various obstacles such as throw rugs in the foyer en route to the master bath, his race was not too successful.

He managed to hurdle the first throw rug but his slipper got caught on the second rug and down he went. Yes, my father took a header into the door jamb of his bedroom. Sharting himself to oblivion.

After he cleaned himself up, he decided it was a good idea to wake my mother and let her know what happened. I can’t recall what her response was because by that time I was choking on my own sputum from the howls of laughter emanating from my being.

He is quite lucky. His glasses broke and scraped his face, he may have needed stitches but was too stubborn to go and get treated. Thank goodness he didn’t break a hip, undue all that was done during his back surgery or any number of worse things that could have happened.

When I asked him why he didn’t just duck into the powder room that was closest to him during his crisis, he replied “I didn’t want to mess up that bathroom.”

Folks, I wish I could make this stuff up. I may pitch this new slogan to the Lifeline people: “I’ve sharted and I can’t get up!”

20 comments:

Reverend Loy said...

Haha! What a great story! Well done!

Pinar said...

When I worked for the police department, my lieutenant (a very cool, collected lady) thought no one would notice if she cut loose with some gas in her office. Next thing we know, she's cussing like a sailor and running for the door. She sharted too and had to go home to change...

p.l.s. said...

LOL! it happens to the best of us

amran said...

you've got some writing skills! if i were to blog about that I don't think I could have made it funny! disgusting probably but funny definitely no...

I'll definitely come back to your blog for more doses of laughter..

The CEO said...

I don't suppose this has happened to you yet? Can you say martini?

mădălina said...

shit happens!

Wicked H said...

Rev: Thanks!

Pinar: You always have the best experiences - hysterical.

p.l.s: I agree.

Amran: Thank you - I try to find a comedic twist in most things. Perhaps I am twisted?

CEO: Of course it has, the apple does not fall far from the tree.

madalina: Indeed, it does!

Lauren said...

Hahahaha! Not only did he shart, but he fell! Poor guy. But that story is way too priceless.

qualcosa di bello said...

that could have easily happened in my parents' home...not wanting to 'mess up the powder room' was key!

The Cuke said...

Oh my.. sounds like a story to be told for many years to come.

Crazy Lady said...

Your mother has him well trained! He risked bodily injury to avoid messing up the powder room!

JAbbeRed ONiON said...

definitely a funny story. amran was right, i wouldn't know how to tell the story so that it comes out comedic. great job!

thevinylvillage said...

Im dying laughing...

I cant believe he told ANYONE. LOL!

Jason said...

Sounds like the old fella made a valiant effort. I applaud him. I've known a couple of people my age who soiled themselves via shart. And they were unable to blame advanced age or throw rugs. They could merely point the finger at a slew of empty beer cans.

Steven Blue-Williams said...

This is why I never fart in swimming pools. Just in case the shart happens. Great post. I love your blog so much.

Ken Albin said...

There has to be a deep philosophical lesson in this but for the life of me I just don't see it! In the absence of any educated thoughts I'd have to go with madelina's sentiment.

Anonymous said...

Obviously an Obama voter.

SGDividends said...

Great Blog! I love reading your posts!

Nutcracker Sweet 54 said...

Wicked, I think I justed sharted while reading this blog, too funny, poor Dad. Oh well....watch out for uncooked greens :)

Anonymous said...

^^Thanks!!

婚前徵信婚姻感情大陸抓姦外遇抓姦法律諮詢家暴婚前徵信尋人感情挽回大陸抓姦離婚工商徵信婚前徵信外遇抓姦感情挽回尋人大陸抓姦離婚家暴工商徵信法律諮詢跟蹤工商徵信婚前徵信感情挽回外遇抓姦法律諮詢家暴尋人大陸抓姦離婚大陸抓姦外遇尋人家暴工商徵信法律諮詢家暴感情挽回大陸抓姦外遇婚前徵信離婚尋人工商徵信外遇抓姦法律諮詢家暴婚前徵信大陸抓姦尋人感情挽回外遇抓姦婚前徵信感情挽回尋人大陸抓姦工商徵信法律諮詢離婚家暴工商徵信外遇抓姦法律諮詢家暴婚前徵信尋人感情挽回大陸抓姦離婚婚前徵信工商徵信外遇抓姦尋人離婚家暴大陸抓姦感情挽回法律諮詢離婚感情挽回婚前徵信外遇抓姦家暴尋人工商徵信外遇抓姦法律諮詢家暴婚前徵信尋人感情挽回">徵大陸抓姦離婚婚前徵信工商徵信外遇抓姦尋人離婚家暴大陸抓姦感情挽回法律諮詢