Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Bawk, BAWK

Why did the chicken cross the road?
(I can only take credit for passing this one along - enjoy!)

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
chicken wanted CHANGE!

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the
need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the
other side of the road!

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure --
right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about

*_DR. PHIL:_*
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why
he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want
to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken
is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in
his eyes and the way he walks.

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

To die in the rain. Alone.

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken
is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other
side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain
and as simple as that.

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new
platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .........

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of

I invented the chicken!

Did I miss one?

Where's my gun!


The CEO said...

Do you have a good chicken soup recipe?

Kim M. said...

That was funny! I hadn't seen that one yet...thanks for sharing...

Karina said...

Love it! My favorite is Hemingway's! ;-)

Crazy Lady said...


Wicked H said...

CEO: Jewish penicillin! I will make up a batch and send it to Judy, poste haste! Hug her for me, will ya?

Kim: My pleasure.

Karina: Mine too!

Crazy Lady: Glad you liked it.

mk99 said...

Hilarious. I am passing it along as well. Thanks for sharing.

qualcosa di bello said...

answer: it crossed the road to get away from all the crazy people! i'm sticking with my story...

Lidian said...

That was really funny!

I am glad I found you through Blog Explosion, wandering around.


Renee said...

That was very cute and I really like the Oprah and Dr.Phil chickens.

Weary Hag said...

Completely dying here with Papa Hemingway's and with Cheney's. Not sure if you created these or if you just ripped them off somewhere but regardless ... they kick hiney.

Great to see you. Now where's that "save this joke for a dinner party" button on my computer?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh, from an American in Brazil (no that is not a movie atleast not yet).


sexy said...